WELCOME ROBOT OVERLORDS!

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Greetings, Fellow Imperfect Biologicals!

I'm so embarrassed that I missed this, but Twitter has just reminded me that, according to the movie Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Skynet became self-aware almost two hours ago (April 19, 2011 8:11 PM EDT).



The nukes are due to arrive Thursday...That's the bad news.


However...

There's good news, too! ;)

Scooter Unit

TOPLESS ROBOTEER COSPLAY EXTRAVAGANZA!

Go on! Click it! You know you wanna!

Evenin' All!

This is gonna be one of those less-wordy, more-picturey-type posts.


This weekend, our dear friends at Topless Robot ran a Best/Worst Cosplay Experience Contest.

It was jam-packed with anecdotes ranging from the triumphant, to the hilarious, to the tragic, to the absurd. And a fair number of the entries included visual aids for the enjoyment of their fellow readers--photos of Topless Roboteers, and occasionally their friends and families, in some truly awe-inspiring ensembles.

I took it upon myself to compile my favorites, and share them with my beloved Taoists.


So...To the Jump we go!





In no particular order:


Sneetch as The 10th Doctor, with Grant Imahara of Mythbusters



Crimsongypsy and Friends as Dana/Zuul and The Ghostbusters



Marjorie2 as The Joker

Sketchy as Lego Man

Mittens and Friend as Sora and Riku from Kingdom Hearts

Bibliophileemily as Raven from Teen Titans

Unknown as Mr. B Natural, Photographed by Steve Bunche

Hanyaan as Giorno Giovanna from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure

Suzume as Ashe in wedding dress, from Final Fantasy XII



Stareyed and Daughter as Zatanna and Black Canary



Hanyaan (again) as Death from Sandman

Sistercacao as...I Don't Have A Clue--seriously, if anyone knows this character, please comment! It's driving me nuts! (cute, thoughXD)

Dancore's Wife as a Succubus

Muffy Stopheles as a Twi'Lek

The Pirate Star (our own Joltess!) as She-Ra

Red Stapler as Chiana from Farscape



Guess I lied--I saved my favorite for last XD


'Night, Peoples!



Not Scoot, But A Very Convincing Costume!

HOLY CRAP! HOLLYWOOD DOES SOMETHING RIGHT!

Hello Peoples!


Dig this: I catch Yahoo News over the weekend, and they're doing a piece on the new Conan film, which, admittedly, I haven't been following as closely as a good nerd and child of the 80s should be--so I get my first close look at the updated Cimmerian himself:

Now, understand, it's first thing in the morning, I'm half awake....And my first thought upon seeing this pic (which was much smaller on Yahoo) is "Gee, he looks kinda familiar--SAY! Wouldn't it be awesome if they got....."

FUCK YEAH!

PRAISE ALMIGHTY CROM!!! The new Conan is Jason Momoa: RONON MOTHERFUCKING DEX!


My roomie has a few seasons of Stargate Atlantis on DVD, and he got me back into the show.

And while my favorite character is definitely David Hewlett's Dr. Rodney McKay (an opinion I share with TTOS contributor and Den Mother, Colleen) I loved Momoa's portrayal of the show's prerequisite kicker of ass and taker of names.

When the show ended, I remember wondering if he'd ever pop up again....


Anyhoo, Ya done good, Hollywood people: You cast a solid actor with the perfect look and a good NRF (Nerd Recognition Factor) to play an iconic character...I'll try not to get used to such a level of competenceXD

And as a treat for my female (and a certain segment of my male) readers, here's one last pic...

Scooter The Blogbarian

The longest I have ever waited for a Damn Book

I started reading this series in 1993

Hello My Children. Right now your Den Mother is watching a really friggin bad movie, the Clan of the Cave Bear. Why? You ask. Or maybe not asking, cuz you don't actually give a flying fuck. Well because on March 29th, of this year the last book of Jean M. Auel's Earth Children series, one she began the year I WAS BORN, will coming to all book stores. Well obviously I didn't start reading this series when it first came out, being an infant and all. But I did see this movie back in the 80's and I read the first book, the aforementioned Clan of the Cave Bear, when I was thirteen. And the next three books quickly thereafter. Now the 4th book came out in 1991. The fifth didn't come out until friggin 2002. So yeah, I waited about 8 years for the fifth book and yet ANOTHER 9 years for the sixth book.

Good Goddess. The only other thing I ever waited this long for were the bloody Star Wars Prequels. Thankfully, the fifth book was worth the wait and I'm gonna assume that the sixth book will also be worth the wait. So when March comes along, I'll finally learn how the adventures of Ayla, the prehistoric chick who apparently invented EVERYTHING, ends. I would tell you more about the series, but you can google it. I need to go to the library and take out these books. Good day, and enjoy the football game if you are planning on watching it!

Happy Sunday, I have to go quest for fire now.

This book and me...We are the SAME DAMN AGE!

PS Hey James, why isn't there a "books" label?

(That better, dear? --EDITOR)

CULT MUSICAL SHOWDOWN: THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW VS. LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS--REBUTTAL

Hoopla Denton!

His Scootness here, with a very special post--a landmark in the history of TTOS: The first ever rebuttal of a fellow author's article!

(oh, the pic? that's the old insignia of the RHPS Fan Club, which I believe I'm still a member of--though it has been over a decade...)

Now, before we begin the rebuttal proper, a few important things need be said: I have NOTHING but respect and admiration for Boredlizzie as both a person and a writer. I've always enjoyed her contributions--matter of fact, I enjoyed the very contribution I'm somewhat refuting here!

The purpose of this article is NOT to prove Lizzie wrong!

After all, we're dealing with opinions here...There IS no right or wrong. I merely feel the need to present an alternate perspective.

After all, I spent nearly every Saturday midnight for six years at a movie theatre, dressed like a Psych Ward escapee, standing in front of a movie screen with a sordid gaggle of perverts, potheads, and degenerates, interrupting paying cinema customers enjoyment of a perfectly good movie...That's right, I wasn't just a fan--I was a motherfucking cast member! "Completely Crazy" out of Mundelein, and later Des Plaines, IL (if you guys are out there, I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!!!

Does this make me too close to this issue? Lacking in objectivity? Biased? Abso-Fucking-Lutely!!

This is a blog--want objectivity? Read Scientific American.

(this, btw, is where the jump break should be--Blogger's been screwing around with the posting format and for some reason decided to remove that option, right after I asked all my contributors to start using it! Way to make me look like a complete tool, Blogger!)

Right. I thought the best way to go about this would be to look at the categories Lizzie employed in judging these films, and discuss where we agree and/or disagree. Beginning with:

PROTAGONISTS:

I actually have no argument whatsoever with Lizzie's assertion here: Of course Seymour and Audrey are far and away more likeable than Brad and Janet!

Problem is--since when are these two middle-America schmucks the protagonists of Rocky Horror? We HATE Brad and Janet! (or, as the community affectionately knows them: Asshole and Slut) And that's exactly what they're there for--the whole film concerns destroying this couple's smarmy, white-bread, midwestern innocence. They're walking archetypes, symbols of all that is anachronistic and intolerant in modern society.

We all know who the REAL protagonist is:



Hells Yeah! (I got to play Frank on 3 separate occasions--THERE IS NO GREATER THRILL ON EARTH!!! I don't care who you are, you get in that costume and make-up, and you can't NOT strut!)

Need more proof? Exhibit B:


That's right! Dr. Frank N. Furter is the film's Protagonist. Brad and Janet only seem to be Protagonists because of their large amount of screen time--and the fact that the story begins with them. Truth is, they're audience surrogates more than anything else--the real source of the film's motive power comes from Frank, it's the story of the world he built himself, and it's his actions and will that drive the story. Oh, sure--he tampered in God's Domain by creating life (and then pounding it in the ass), as well as that little matter of cold blooded murder and forced cannibalism--but no one ever claimed Frank was a particularly "moral" Protagonist!

COSTUMES:

Not much to say here--Lizzie and I are on the same page regarding the majesty of Sue Blane's costume designing skills. So here's a funny pic:

CELEBRITY CAMEOS:

I may be biased, but I'm not unreasonable: Lizzie called this one right--Bill Murray trumps Meatloaf any day of the week. Score One for Little Shop.

PLOT:

Plot? Folks, these are musicals--by even HAVING plots they've both greatly exceeded expectations!

However, I give the edge to Rocky for one simple reason: Originality.

Little Shop is an adapted work--all the makers of the musical had to do was tweak the Corman film and write songs. Jim Sharman and Richard O'Brien had to work from scratch--creating story and music out of the blue.

SPECIAL EFFECTS/PIZAZZ/"WOW" FACTOR:

This category baffled me somewhat--for it would seem to cover a broad range of aspects, yet Lizzie gave the nod to Little Shop based solely on special effects.

Well, when the star of your film is a giant, singing, man-eating alien plant, you NEED special effects! The audience had to accept Audrey II as a character, and this could not be accomplished without the best animatronics and puppetry 1986 had to offer, not to mention the likes of Frank Oz.

I don't belittle their achievement in the slightest--but Rocky Horror had a slightly different idea of "Pizazz"--Observe:

Advantage: Time Warp! :)

We're talking about musicals here--not Sci-Fi epics. Special effects are nice, but hardly essential. Show stopping productions are far more important. The only number in Little Shop that even approached this kind of scope was "Downtown".

SONGS:

Again, nothing really to say: Lizzie and I are in accord concerning our preference of Rocky's music. Oddly enough, the only point of contention I have with her on this involves Little Shop: I can do without "Somewhere That's Green", but I love "Suddenly Seymour", mostly because I can passably sing as Seymour (though to be sure, "Feed Me" is a great deal more fun!)

ANTAGONIST:

Ok, some of you must have already been wondering: "If Frank's the Protagonist, who's the Antagonist?"

That one's not as easy to answer--Brad and Janet are far too bland and ineffectual to make serious foes. Besides, Frank "defeated" them rather handily! (in a manner of speaking)

Riff-Raff and Magenta, then? After all, they did kill him.

But when you come down to it--Frank was finally defeated by his own personal flaws and uncontrolled lifestyle, Riff's laser was merely the instrument of this defeat.

So Frank is both Protagonist AND Antagonist!

Which actually changes nothing--I have to admit, Dr. Orin Scrivello, DDS is a far more vile and reprehensible individual, and I do not dispute Little Shop's taking of the Villain Prize.

NARRATOR:

Oh you did NOT just diss my boy Chuckie!

Of COURSE Rocky's Criminologist was out of place, and his presence jarring--THAT WAS HIS JOB! They went out of the way to make him as foreign to the characters and setting of the film as possible. Oh, and I played him for six years. ;)

Nothing at all is wrong with Crystal, Ronnette, and Chiffon (though they were slightly misnamed, as The Crystals were white). But they're not narrators, they're a Greek Chorus--not quite the same thing.

A Narrator remains above and outside the story(even in the rare cases when he is a character in the story, he still manages to remain essentially aloof)--a Chorus is part of the story, albeit always in the background.

I call this one a draw, as the combatants are not evenly matched.

CONCLUSION:

Um...yeah. In case you haven't been paying attention--I prefer Rocky Horror.

However, I don't want anyone to think I have ANYTHING against Little Shop! I've loved it since I was 9 years old and always will. I leave you with a vid of the aforementioned "Feed Me".

If you'll excuse me--I'm about to embarrass myself in front of my roommates...

Scoot On Musicals

SOHB'S OBLIGATORY TRANSFORMERS RELATED POST

HA! HA! I HAVE RETURNED!



I had to spend two miserable days marooned in the real world.

But I survived, readers--I survived!



Hopefully, my roommates will be a bit more vigilant about paying the Comcast bill from now on. At least until I can get my own computer--after that I could give a shit.

We spent most of those Internet-free 48 hours watching movies, which was cool--until I went out for coffee and came back to find a crime against humanity on the screen. Yes, friends--I had to watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen yet again!

Now I know what side my bread is buttered on where my roomies are concerned: I live there free of rent or bills so I complain about next to nothing. Therefore, I kept my old friend "Buzzkill McSmartass" in check and didn't offer my snarky, though perfectly reasonable, commentary.


And yet, something like having to sit through ROTF cannot go unforgiven. Someone must pay in order for the universe to balance. So I thought this would be a good time to fulfill my Union obligations.

Oh, right! I forgot to tell you about the Union: The FNDGI (Federated Nerds, Dorks, and Geeks International). The Union requires all Nerd and/or Geek interest blogs, websites, and other digital media providers to meet a minimum requirement of Transformers and Star Wars content.

I was contacted recently and made aware of this statute. I was thus directed to meet this minimum requirement under threat of a full Nerd Audit--I don't know exactly what that entails, but I don't want to find out.



So--Transformers, then:

I'm not interested in doing a review--if you haven't seen it, then my review will be ueless since rather than a fair, reasonable, assessment, I'm more likely to write a profanity-laden tirade of pure geek hate.

If you have seen it, then you're most likely sick of reading Profanity-laden Tirades of Pure Geek Hate. I'll either tell you what you already know--or piss you off if you're one of the few fans that this film defies the laws of nature by having.

I would like to say one thing--and I'm skirting heresy with this, I know:

Transformers 1 wasn't that horrible.

Oh, by no means was it great, and the Animated film still kicks its ass six ways to Sunday--but it could have been much, much worse.

I honestly found it somewhat entertaining in a mindless, escapist sort of way.

In fact, it was the fact that Part 1 actually had some merit to it that made ROTF so heinous. It was like they made a film out of everything that was wrong with Transformers--and then added blatant racism and the most excruciating attempts at physical humor this side of a Police Academy movie.


As I said, there will be retribution for having to endure this film twice--and today, retribution is being served up by Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, and Mike Nelson. Yep, the geniuses of Rifftrax!

One of these days I'll have to buy the actual Rifftrack(if that's the appropriate singular form)for this film. Until then, we can all enjoy these "Best of" vids:


*sigh* I'm sorry--I didn't mean to get everyone's hopes up, but embedding's been disabled(fuckers)

Here's the links then:

Part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynY6Xe0uWOI

Part two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRDT19smlGc&feature=related


Here's a shorter clip whose publisher was kind enough to allow embedding(after the jump, it's a tad wide)


Scootimus Prime




One of the other psychos(um...contributors)can take care of the Star Wars content.

DOUBLE SHOT: HOW A DVD BONUS FEATURE MADE ME CRY, AND SCOOTER REMEMBERS WHY HE LOVES MYTHBUSTERS

Hello Peoples!



I got two blogworthies to yammer on about today, so I decided to consolidate:


Friday night I was away from the safe, warm womb of Cyberspace and had to spend most of the day in the cold, lonely wasteland that is "real life".

Some friends asked me to babysit, and as I have no real obligations to prevent me, and I could really use the $20, I happily accepted. I would've done it for free--they're good people and their kids are no trouble. Basically I got paid to watch movies and make sure the house didn't get swallowed up by the Earth while my friends were out.

Not a bad deal.

I ended up watching two of the most iconic films of 1980s Nerdery: Tron, and The Princess Bride. But since it isn't the 80s anymore, I saw more than just the movies.

See, I'm a Special Features buff. Commentaries, making-of documentaries, blooper reels, interviews, deleted scenes, alternate endings--I eat that shit up.

The 20th anniversary edition of Tron that came out in 2002 has some great stuff--you get not only a crash course in how one of the most influential technical achievements in cinematic history came to be, but you get to sit and gape in total awe at how far CGI has come in the last two decades.

But as awesome as Tron's bonus goodies are, they're not what really got to me that night.

Naturally, I've seen The Princess Bride a few hundred times or so--It's brilliant, hilarious, magnificently nerdy, and the most quotable movie not made by Monty Python or Quentin Tarantino, but I'd never seen the Special Features:

I only watched the interviews--it was getting late and I still wanted to have time to watch the movie. The actors featured were Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright Penn(who's aged beautifully), Fred Savage and Chrises Guest and Sarandon.

After a bit of random reminiscing they shared their memories of Andre The Giant:

In accordance with everything I've heard about the man, the actors were of one mind concerning the late wrestler--specifically, that he was one of the kindest and most charming individuals any of them have ever known.

Mandy Patinkin shared a lovely anecdote about working with the big man:

It concerned the "Cliffs of Insanity" scene, which was filmed at the Cliffs of Dover in England, and actually involved the actors being pulled up a cliff on a winch.

Wallace Shawn(Vizzini)was more than a little concerned about this scene--for the diminutive actor suffers from extreme acrophobia. But even more than the actual act of being pulled up such a high cliff, Shawn feared that his phobia might ruin the film--such was his terror that he was convinced that he'd freak out and blow the scene.

Andre saw how nervous and fearful Shawn was. In response, he reached down with one of his dinner plate sized hands and patted the little man on the head like a child saying: "Don't worry--I'll take care of you" (Patinkin does a spot-on Andre The Giant impression--try to imagine his voice as you read this)

I couldn't help tearing up at that--regular visitors probably know I'm a sentimental bastard, and that was just too much for me. There just aren't enough stories out there of simple, heartfelt kindness in Hollywood. I'm not talking about big charitable gestures or impressive humanitarian acts--just basic, honest sweetness. Why do we lose people like this so quickly and easily?


I'm gonna give everyone a minute after that, seriously, take a moment--get yourself together. I'll wait. You don't wanna get into what's next while you're all melancholy.





So the new season of quite possibly the nerdiest hour of programming in history--Mythbusters, just started. And as much as I love the show for it's pure unadulterated, geeky goodness, one aspect of the show's appeal managed, amazingly, to slip my mind:

Kari Byron--KARI GODDAMN BYRON!!!


I'm so very, very, embarrassed. See, since starting this blog I've endeavored to offer my readers the nerdiest of eye-candy. I'm not just a pig, folks--I could have decorated my blog with Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models or Playboy centerfolds, but I choose to celebrate Nerdity as well as Beauty in my little corner of cyberspace.

Up 'til now I thought I'd done a good job--but how I managed to let the lovely Ms. Byron slip by unnoticed is beyond all comprehension.

How in Krom's name did I manage to...Y'know what, forget the bullshit--just three words: Hot. Geeky. Redhead.

HOT!

GEEKY!

REDHEAD!

Who doesn't love Hot, Geeky Redheads? SOHB even has one on Staff.
So here's a few pics to make up for my laxity, one or two will eventually be going up on the sidebar, but for now--enjoy them all:

The Dread Pirate Scoot

Smashy Review: Spider-Man 3

Hello! Hello, you sexy devils. I know I've been gone for a while, but I still love you all and if there's anybody I trust to run my empire, it's you guys. I thought I'd celebrate my comeback with another review, this time of a film significantly lower on the Badassometer than Scott Pilgrim. I speak of course, of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3.


Now, I don't want to jump on the bandwagon and rip this movie to shreds - ahh, hell, of course I do. THIS MOVIE SUCKS MAJOR ASS. As both a movie fan, a comic book fan and a human being I can safely say that this is one movie that actually distresses me, keeps me awake at night, because there are bad movies and then there are movies that COULD have been awesome but, for whatever reasons, aren't. Spider-Man 3 fits into this category perfectly.

First of all I will outline its good points. The fight scenes and special effects are, quite simply, spellbinding and the best I've seen in any comic book movie. The effects on Sandman and the symbiote are brilliant. The acting is, for the most part, good, especially from the man I believe is J Jonah Jameson incarnate: JK Simmons. The Spidey movies have always had great music, and this installment is no exception. And finally, it is extremely funny when it wants to be. Those are the good points. Now.... *clicks fingers* for the bad.












This movie is rife with plot holes. The first is Harry Osborn's transformation. Throughout these movies, the main continuous story arc has been the relationship between Harry Osborn, Mary Jane Watson and Peter Parker. Harry starts as a troubled young man with a crush on MJ, an evil father and a superhero for a best friend. He then becomes a jackass alcoholic businessman, without a crush on Mary Jane, without an evil father and with a superhero for a best friend. By the beginning of the third, he is a supervillain without a crush on Mary Jane, without an evil father and with a superhero for an enemy. Seems plausible enough right? Well, barely ten minutes into the movie he hits his head and gets what I refer to as 'Conveniencenesia', losing all his memory. For the next hour or so he becomes 'old Harry', but instead of turning into the troubled young man with a crush on Mary Jane, he becomes this preposterously nice, goofy, happy character without a care in the world. Seriously, it's so weird. There's a scene when Mary Jane calls him up and he's in the middle of painting some kind of masterpiece. It's just a split second, but it confuses me to no end. Why did a bump on the head make him this way? I am reminded of the Futurama episode where Fry gets worms and becomes a charming, artistic hearthrob, except it makes far less sense than anything Matt Groening has ever dreamt up. Forgive me if I'm wrong about this, but I was under the impression that people who suffer from amnesia generally become depressed, scared and confused individuals, unable to remember key details from their lives, constantly forgetting and misunderstanding things that are common knowledge to their friends and family. But whatever, I'm sure Raimi and co did there homework.

It may well be down to the performance James Franco gives. He's a fine actor and a.... *sigh* a beautiful man, but somebody should have told him to tone it down a little. He's so damn happy, I don't think you seem him frown once during his 'Conveniencenesia' period. That's what's so wrong with this freaking movie, it's full of over the top performances. Ehhhh. Anyway, Harry touches a mirror or something and Willem Defoe's face ZOOOOOMS towards the screen, causing Harry to 'remember. Remember EVERYTHING!!!' He turns evil once again, but now of course he's a DIFFERENT kind of evil from earlier on, this time becoming a scheming, grinning, pie-eatin' pantomime villain rather than a brooding, revenge-seeking, neglected son. Then at the last minute he turns into a generic good guy again. Seriously, Harry Osborn goes through about one hundred different personalities in this trilogy. LET'S COUNT THEM SHALL WE

There's Troubled Harry from Spider-Man 1, then there's Angry Harry from Spider-Man 1, then there's Yuppie Harry from Spider-Man 2, then there's Alcoholic Harry from Spider-Man 2, then there's Vengeful Harry from Spider-Man 2, then there's Goblin Harry from Spider-Man 3, then there's Conveniencenesia Harry from Spider-Man 3, then there's Magnificent Bastard Harry from Spider-Man 3, and then finally 'Awwwwww' Harry from Spider-Man 3. What is that, 8 different Harrys over the course of three movies? Dayum. Look, I realise it's important for characters to develop over a trilogy's story arc, but by the end of it all Harry Osborn is several different people. Ughhh. Let's move on.

Sandman's entire character is completely fucking ridiculous. So we have an escaped burglar with 'bad luck' who has some kind of dying adorable child and a wife who lives in Elwood Blues' apartment 'in the presence of great truth' whatever the fuck that means. He falls into a giant sandpit (you know, the kind that are just lying around in fields with no safety rail or anything all over America) in which some scientists are testing the effects of sand when spun around real fast. They assume he's a bird (you know, one of the many man-shaped birds that occupy America) and start up the experiment. He turns into some.... some kind of.... SAND....MAAAANN!!!!!! but his little necklace thing manages to stay intact, despite being with him the entire time. I guess because it was in his pocket it stayed alright, but then there are scenes when he's floating around as a cloud guy and the necklace thing stays with him.... maybe it was floating with him, I don't know.

He wants to kill Spider-Man, because apparently he won't let Sandman take care of his sick daughter. Rather than, you know, explaining his situation to Spider-Man, a fellow superhuman, and asking for his help, he clumsily destroys a street in an attempted robbery. Smooth.

Now, I like Thomas Haden Church, I do. He seems like a nice guy, but the only movie I've ever liked him in was George of the Jungle, and this is no exception. His entire performance is so weird. He always looks kind of pained and frustrated, like his face is being stretched over his skull. There's a scene in which Spider-Man rips a water pipe apart, the camera zooming sharply in on Sandman's face with each screw that pops out of the pipe. The last time this happens Church sort of does a little face quirk, like he's thinking 'Daww, nuthin ever goes right for me! Guess I'm just a born loser. Here we go again!'. I know I'm shamelessly nitpicking, but I don't care, I'm fresh from watching the DVD and I have been living on Fruitella for the past five days and I feel my brain may be dissolving or something and I needed to get these thoughts off my chest. At the end of the movie, Sandman asks Spider-Man for forgiveness after pounding him into the ground seconds earlier, then floats away to a life of.... uhhh.... floating. His character sucks, and he was never a fantastic villain in the first place. Give me Vulture or Mysterio or Lizard next time, characters you can actually give depth and interest to. Some say without Venom this film would be great, but that's just not true. Sandman is only slightly better a character. Not to mention the fact that he is preposterously shoehorned into the franchise as Uncle Ben's 'real killer' in a pathetic attempt to give him a reason for even being in the fucking movie. EDIT: After watching the end, I find myself wildly cackling at the flashback of Uncle Ben's murder. Sandman just sort of raps on the window and helps the old man out of the car, politely asking if he can borrow the vehicle. He ponders whether or not he should proceed with the robbery and then accidently shoots Ben to death and gives a 'what have I DONE???!!!!' face. I lol'd.
Blleerrrghh, let's move on.

Venom, played by Topher Grace, is perhaps the worst and weirdest fictional antagonist I've ever come across in all my life. A meteorite falls from the sky with no explanation or reason and splurges out a black liquid (the symbiote), which attaches itself to Peter Parker's scooter and lives with him unnoticed for a while. When he's at his lowest, it crawls all over his costume and turns him into Black Suit Spider-Man. Even though later, he's got the black suit and the regular suit seperately in a cupboard, even though the black suit IS the regular suit, just covered with the symbiote, because we see it envelop the regular suit earlier on, except then the symbiote comes off and Spider-Man is completely naked underneath.... um. Anyway. Spider-Man gets rid of the symbiote (after some bizarre dancing, which is not so much funny or rage-inducing as it is baffling) and it plops down onto Eddie Brock's face. Yes, that's right, Spider-Man's parasitic liquid drips onto Eddie Brock's gazing face as Spidey writhes naked above. In a church. Abraxas, feel free to make of this what you will.

Eddie Brock is not evil or crazy, he's just an annoying douche who, for reasons unknown, wants Peter Parker's job. Or IS he meant to be crazy? There are certainly signs of this. He frequently makes weird comments about Gwen, first saying they are dating and later claiming he plans to propose despite them only ever having coffee. He has a complete breakdown after being fired from a job he didn't even have yet and asks GOD to kill someone he screwed over in the first place. However, these don't strike me as the actions of an insane supervillain, more the actions of a complete fuckwit. AAAAAAnyway, Spider-Man's black suit/symbiote/sperm envelops Brock and he turns into Venom, who somehow knows everything about Sandman and Peter and gets Sandman to team up with him in a grand plan to..... humiliate Spider-Man. Not murder or destroy, just humiliate.




Yeah.





Anyway, he is only ever Venom for about five seconds at a time, because every time we get a glimpse of him his spookyface peels back to reveal the oddly fanged Topher Grace (who, once again, is naked under the suit despite being fully clothed when he transformed. Weird) in all his not-at-all-threatening glory. He is incredibly easily defeated by Spider-Man banging poles together around him and making him bug out. He then explodes or something, I don't know (I stopped watching because Hot Fuzz had started on ITV 1 and is the far superior flick). So, that's Venom.

The worst part of this movie is the character of Harry's loyal butler, 'Bernard', who has had about three off screen lines throughout the trilogy until now. He pops up persuading Two-Face - I mean, Harry to turn good again by telling him his father died by his own hand. Gee, Bernard is a great guy. Not only was he fully aware that BOTH the Osborns were murderers and madmen, but he could have saved Harry countless times by telling him how his father died at ANY point in the last few years. Is he fucking CRAZY?! What the HELL were they thinking?! Why didn't they just have GOD appear from the heavens before Harry and tell him what happened? That would have angered me less. This is the worst fucking deus ex machina I have ever seen, and I am shaking with rage as I type this. Good God. Fuckadoodle doo. CuntburgerfucktwatterlycumquatfuckbraintrollsuckingarsewipeANAL JIZZ CLOWNS! WHY THE FUCK DO I BOTHER???!!! THEY COULD HAVE ENDED THIS FUCKING STORY TWO MOVIES AGO! WHY WOULD BERNARD WAIT TILL NOW TO TELL HARRY?!! WHY WOULDN'T HE TELL EVERYBODY STRAIGHT AFTER HE FOUND OUT! WHAT POSSIBLY REASON COULD HE HAVE HAD FOR KEEPING SHTUM? IS HE A FUCKING ASS?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Somebody, please tell me! Tell me how I fix this! How do I calm down! HOW?! HOOOOOOWWWW

This is THE DOCTOR, signing out, deeply sorry for the nonsensical bullshit posing as a movie review, incredibly glad to be back and FUCKING angry about the shitfest that is Spider-Man 3. I am truly apologetic for the above article's shittiness. Goodnight. Now WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FRUITELLA?!

Zortt's Films That Define Only He: #49 Clerks 2

This list of 50 films, is a set of films that I have decided that will be my "Criterion Collection" of films. A set of movies that I use to describe who I am, my ideas and what I think are the best movies. You may not agree and that's ok, but these are my movies. And as always, "THARR BE SPOILERS! YE BE WARNED! "

I just want to quickly share an opinion before we jump into today's film selection:

Thursday Television Comedies:
The Big Bang Theory: Awesome. Great return to form. :)

The Office: Oh my god, please get better or I will have to abandon you. I've been a loyal fan for 6 seasons, but to launch out of the gate like that. Oh my god.

Community: My new absolute favorite. I have great hopes about this show into the far reaching future.

Outsourced: I'm a sucker for anything Indian, so I liked it. I'm actually watching it again as I type this. I enjoy Bollywood films, Indian food, and Indian culture in general. So to get that each week is going to be fun. And that girl with the Australian accent, extremely hot. :)

Shit My Dad Says: (Yes, I didn't put it in its bleeped form, because this is how I refer to the show) I love the Shat, and he's the only thing that makes this show salvageable. I'll give it a few more goes.

And..

Glee: The new Coach is a breath of fresh air, but I want to see where they take the story. The new episode was a bunch of "meh" for me.

Venture Bros.: With each new episode, my hardcore fandom grows three sizes. Its sooo good.

Anyway, thought I would digress for a moment about the new shows and old ones coming back. I'm not a fan of TV dramas, although I will watch a random episode of SVU when its on.

Well, onward to the pick of the week.

#49: Clerks 2

This film was an enigma to me at first.

I mean, I like Kevin Smiths movies. Having seen Mallrats, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back before this one I kinda knew what I was getting into. However, I hadn't seen the original Clerks until I was in college, almost a year after seeing the second one first. Smith's movies have always struck a chord with me, in fact I offered to someone when we both complained of lack of money that we should make a porno.

She said no.

This movie though, if nothing sounded good to watch or my friends and I couldn't decide on what terrible b-rated horror movie out of the video store's basement we would probably end up watching this one.

For those who don't know anything about this movie, its pretty simple. Two losers, Dante Hicks and Randall Graves, who work at a Quick Stop (think gas station without the gas) loose their jobs due to the place burning down and they now work at a local fast food joint run by Rosario Dawson. Still there is their loitering friends from the Quick Stop is Jay and Silent Bob. However, in this installment Dante is preparing to leave everything and Randall is having great anxiety about his friend leaving. The two decided to stay here in New Jersey, reopen their burned out store, and live in the peace that was their life before the fast food place. Oh yeah, in between that there's nerdy talk about Lord of the Rings, Transformers vs. Gobots, inter-species erotica, a spirited debate about weather or not to go ass to mouth, and an attempt to take back the term "porch-monkey." All good family fun. For your amusement, the Lord of the Rings discussion:



First time I saw this, I went to see this with my father. Now, don't freak out. Ever since I was able to drive he and I have been going to see movies. When I first realized that the power to drive was to go to any movie I desired at anytime (fun fact on that, the first movie I saw by myself was Mr. and Mrs. Smith), he realized that the bonding time between us was quickly diminishing. Now, I take him when I don't have a date (which is nearly all the time). One of the first movies that I drug him to that I can remember, was this one.

Walking in he didn't have the faintest idea of what he was getting into. Frankly neither did I really, I wasn't expecting the snappy dialog and nerdy diatribes that awaited to me. I remember sitting next to my father and cringing during the ass to mouth comments, expecting him to scoff in disgust, but instead was welcomed with great big belly laughs. He was almost crying with laughter by the end of that scene. I didn't know the film would have that effect on him, but we were quoting the entire movie all the way home.

In college, the film was revitalized for me because my friends were dining through my treasure chest of movies. Its a metal DVD case that is full of movies, holds over 200, and I filled that whole thing. Its a typical situation, where someone says they haven't seen said movie and we put it in. Again, this movie became a bonding session for everyone involved because we would talk about the Lord of the Rings scene, I would defend the Go-Bots, and we would randomly reenact this scene:



The third and most important reason is this films themes are: not to let other people influence you and change who you really are and sometimes the true happiness in life is always right there in front of you. This really hits home with me, because I had to leave college due to lack of complete focus on what I really wanted in life. I moved 400 miles away from my very small town and I had all these people telling me how I should focus on one thing or another and other people telling me I could do anything and there was even some telling me to stop being so damn nerdy! When I left and came home I found that being at home with my parents and high school friends, was where I am truly happy and content with myself. Since then I have co-opened my own store, volunteered at a local comic book museum, helped to judge local speech and debate meets, substitute taught, and now going to school to be a web developer. All of those things, happened around 30-50 miles of my house. Home is where the heart is, and when we take a collective deep breath and realize that our true calling could be right in front of us the whole time, that's a great feeling.

And as a side note, one of my first jobs was working in a fast food restaurant, so I know how bad that sucks.

Rather than put the trailer up here, like I was going to, I'm going to put this music video someone made using Soul Asylums "Misery, INC."



Next week's is going to be awesome, just don't his say his name three times.

Zortt1's Films That Define Only He: #50 Last Action Hero

This list of 50 films, is a set of films that I have decided that will be my "Criterion Collection" of films. A set of movies that I use to describe who I am, my ideas and what I think are the best movies. You may not agree and that's ok, but these are my movies. And as always, "THARR BE SPOILERS! YE BE WARNED!"

#50: LAST ACTION HERO





















Now, I understand what you may be thinking. "Zortt, I thought you would open your regular segment with a blockbuster. Not this embarrassing dud of a film that probably set Arnold on his path to the 5 dollar movie bin at Walmart. Come on dude."

Well, tough shit. I'm not going to start at the movie that means THE most to me. I mean its a list of 50. Where's the suspense there? The argument I'm trying to establish is that these movies shaped me as a person and there are some possible clunkers that you may not think as good, but I'll justify this the best I can. Technically, this was a blockbuster, but it...well...I'll talk about that in a second.

Basically, the film is about a New York City kid, named Danny, who goes to the movies a lot. A LOT. To the point where he misses school all the time and is just a highly distracted kid in a city of hundreds of theaters. They often show him walking down a street that is literately theater after theater. He becomes friends with the elderly projectionist, who is just as big as a movie buff. He also has really great fantasies featuring Arnold doing amazing things: like being in Hamlet.



It should be noted here, that the projectionist is the late great Art Carney in, I believe, his last screen role. Art Carney was a fantastic stage and screen actor. One of out of his many rolls was a merchant who sells Lumpy his holo-porn in the Star Wars Holiday Special.

Anyway, the projectionist lets the kid come late and night to see the latest incarnation of action hero Jack Slater (who is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), however on this special occasion he gives Danny a magical movie ticket that literally puts him in the movie. He is transported into the movie world, hangs out with Jack Slater trying to convince him that he is in a movie while at the same time helping him break the case. At one point they escape the film world back to the movie world, Slater meets the actual Schwarzenegger, and they mention Planet Hollywood a couple times.

Everything in the movie happens with a tongue firmly planted in cheek, because everything that happens in the movie world is an action movie cliche or a nod to other popular movies (such as F. Murray Abraham is in the film as a backstabbing FBI agent, however Danny keeps referring him to his Oscar winning role in Amadeus, a trip to the blockbuster video store in the film world finds Sly Stallone as the Terminator, and the best cameo in the movie has Sir Ian McKellan as Death from Ingrid Bergman's The Seventh Seal.) . Its all in good fun and a great way to poke fun of the action film genre. Here's the video store scene, a fun fact about it first. The woman who's at the checkout is Angie Everhardt, swimsuit/playboy model and quite possibly the sexiest red head I've ever seen (she was at Wizard World Chicago) super sexy. :)



Heck, the film was directed by action screen legend, John McTiernan. This is the man who brought you Die Hard, Predator, and The Hunt for Red October. I looked through his IMDB and couldn't really find another comedic movie. I guess you could say that Die Hard with a Vengeance could be a comedy, but its still a big old action film.

So, if all these cool people were involved, and even though the acting is really cheesy in some parts the movie is actually entertaining, why in 1993 did this movie get sent to the land of clunkers? A little movie called Jurassic Park took a large bite out of it. They came out weeks of each other and people were still clamoring to see Jurassic Park instead of Arnold poking fun at himself. This film was also one of Sony's first films they produced after they had bought Columbia Pictures. When developing the film, they did their now classic ideas of picking a release date before the movie was finished and hoping the film will do spectacularly (Sound familiar? They did that to Spider-Man 3 and look how that turned out.) However, no one knew at the time when Jurassic Park was going to be released and when Spielberg and Universal picked the weekend before this came out (deliberately) there was nothing Columbia/Sony could do about it. It made a good amount of money, but again was way overshadowed by Jurassic Park, so no one cared.

The reason this movie is on my list, is the pure fantasy that this movie brings out. Danny was able to use a magical movie ticket and transport himself into the movie world. He became a character in the film and got to hang out with Arnold. Now who wouldn't want to do that??? I'm a huge movie buff, so that very idea always gets me excited. To travel into the greatest films and have an adventure with your favorite characters, how exciting!

Arnold, Stallone, and other over the top action films have always been a guilty pleasure of mine. (Yes, I did love The Expendables) And for this movie to turn that on its head and take a fun poke at itself is always fun. Having said that, I'm not really a fan of spoof movies (unless its Airplane or Airplane 2: The Sequel) this isn't really a spoof movie, just extremely meta about things. I think Arnold actually says a funny line and turns to the camera to "see" a reaction to his buffoonery.

Does it have flaws? Oh my, yes. Yet, the reason I keep coming back to it is because it always reminds me of my love of movies and the escape that movies provide when you go see it in the theater. The movie does this literally, but I often find myself doing that through the power of my imagination. Its one of those movie that defines the idea that if you shut your brain off, you'll enjoy it better. That's true to an extent, but an astute film buff can have fun with all the great movie/tv/pop culture references that gets you through the film and makes you love the idea of movies again.

Here's the trailer:


So that's number 50 in the list. Trust me, it gets better from here. :)

Smashy Review: Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

Ahhh, Edgar Wright, you magnificent bastard. You've done it again. Every single piece of film you have directed, I have loved to bits. To this day, Spaced remains my favourite Britcom *shudders at the use of the word* of all time. Shaun of the Dead is perhaps the only film involving zombies, Queen and the use of the word 'cunt' in the first two minutes I can think of. Hot Fuzz deserves praise if only for the line 'Stabbed in the hand by a man dressed as Santa Claus'. And this brings us of course to the director's latest, greatest and most Hollywood-y directorial achievement: Scott Pilgrim Vs The World.
I was introduced to the Scott Pilgrim books through Empire magazine. Already a rabid Wright fan, when I heard that he would be adapting a comic book series before completing his 'Blood and Ice Cream' trilogy (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and the upcoming The World's End) I was curious. Then ANGRY! Then hungry. Then kinda sleepy.... Then I think I got drunk for a while. THEN I logged on to the Empire website and read an article by the magazine's primary Pilgrim fan, Helen O'Hara, all about why we should love this weird little book series called Scott Pilgrim. Described by Joss Whedon as the 'Best Book Ever', the Scott Pilgrim series is arguably just that. I love it to pieces. Truly, I do. Some day I may release seperate reviews of each book, but since this article is about the movie, I'll simply say this: Scott Pilgrim is fantastic and if you haven't read it, you must stop what you're doing, slap yourself twice in the face for being silly and pick up the phone, screaming 'GET ME THE COMIC BOOK STORE!'. Well, I guess you could dial first. Or just go to the store.
Being such an uber-mega-awesome Pilgrim fan, I was of course skeptical about the movie to begin with. It's never easy to hand your favourite series over to Hollywood, even if it's in the hands of such a director as talented as Wright. Coincidentally, the first thing that sprung to mind when reading SP for the first time was Spaced. Spaced has that kind of atmosphere where a character can be lazing on the sofa moaning about their unemployment one minute, then battling a ninja the next minute without a major shift in tone occuring in between; the kind of atmosphere Scott Pilgrim has in spades. Michael Cera was announced for the title soon after I finished the second book, and I was pretty BLURG about it, moaning to my friends, my relatives, and homeless guys on the bus about how he wasn't right for the part, and played the same character in every movie and all that crap.
By Jove, I was stupid.
The thing I feel the movie really excels in is casting. Every character is so perfectly lifted from the pages of the books, I can't help but feel some kind of voodoo was involved. It is TOO perfect. Kieran Culkin just kicks all kinds of ass as Wallace, which, seeing as he's my favourite character, I just want to HUG the actor for. Mark Webber is UNCANNY as Stephen Stills. Ellen Wong is the exact blend of adorable and insane as Knives Chau. Johnny Simmons as Young Neil is hilarious, despite only having about three lines. Each evil ex (excluding Roxy, but we'll get to that) was spot-on, particularly Brandon Routh. Mary Elisabeth Winstead was.... actually, I didn't like her that much. I don't think she was very charming. She didn't have a whole lot of chemistry with Scott. They only really got to show the crappy parts of their relationship. Due to the time constriction Wright and co had adapting a six book series into a 112-minute movie, quite a few of the 'standing around talking' parts of the books had to be cut down. We never quite got to see Ramona and Scott really have much relationship-y time. They never really had fun together.
There were some things I would have LOVED to see in the film. Almost all of my favourite scenes were cut from the film for time constraints, and a lot of characters (Kim and Envy in particular) are extremely watered down, reduced to the core elements of their characters. But that's okay, because above all, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World has captured the SPIRIT of the comics. Every time the little 'Rating: Awesome' boxes popped up, my heart sort of swooned with love for this film, with happiness for how right they got it. It looks exactly like the comic books, but not in the way that, say, Watchmen does. This isn't a panel-for-panel adaptation, but at the same time it is a lot more faithful to the source material than even the slowest slo-mo action sequences Zack Snyder's computer can conjure up. It is just pure awesome. I honestly can't think of a more creative way of describing it.
One thing I want to talk about is my favourite of the books, Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together. The fourth in the series, this book has a distinctly summer-y feel to it. From the colour pages at the very beginning to the whole getting a job, hanging out at the mall, staying up really late kind of atmosphere, it really captures summer in the subtlest of ways, I think. Scott's life kind of goes down the crapper in this one, but the way he resolves everything in a single scene is one of my favourite moments in the whole series. Come to think of it, most of my favourite series moments come from Gets It Together, from Scott hiding in Ramona's purse during a fight (his cartoon head poking out and saying 'Yeah!' to everything she yells at the enemy) to Roxy's wonderful line 'You punched me in the BOOB!' (followed by 'puking sounds' from Scott) to Knives' father attempting to murder Scott on several occassions with his antique samurai swords ('Man, my dad is so lame!'), this is by far my favourite book. However, it is also the one they cut the most out of. I guess it's because the movie takes place over a MUCH shorter time span than the comics, so the summer feel is already right out. Roxy Richter, the evil ex-girlfriend of this book, is also my favourite ex, and ironically the character I thought was the worst portrayed in the movie. Some of her best lines ('Prepare to die, obviously....' and 'AGH! Forget it! Never mind! *teleports away*') were either missing or performed.... incorrectly. I know I can't judge, because Bryan Lee O'Malley himself was heavily involved in the movie so he probably thought the lines were delivered perfectly, but I just didn't like her. Also, why didn't she explode into bunnies, pigs and tweety birds?! Regular coins? What the hell, man?!
Anyway, I close by saying that Scott Pilgrim Vs The World is an excellent adaptation - it is not nearly as literal as some (*cough*Watchmen*cough*) and not as distant as others (*cough*The Dark Knight*cough*) from the source material, but it doesn't have to be because above all, it FEELS like Scott Pilgrim. It has the atmosphere and heart of the comics, even if they had to cut out a whole lot. Perhaps it would have worked better as two seperate films, with the first ending on The Infinite Sadness and the second beginning with Gets It Together. But no, Scott Pilgrim is its own masterpiece. If Hollywood ever rams a sequel down the series' throat, I will personally track down EVERYBODY in Hollywood and ram eleven copies of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen down their asses. You heard me - DOWN THEIR ASSES.
Anyway, normally I would say 'See the movie', but instead I ask of you, read the books. The movie's fine, but my heart truly lies with the little comic book series that started it all. The movie is hella tight, though.

Peace, goddammit!

Can a Comic Book Be a Good Movie? A Look at "The Watchmen"

I have to start off by saying that I was a late comer into comics. Since I lived in the country, our shopping was pretty limited to groceries and whenever my mom would drag us to a mall. I never got to browse downtown shops and discover comics on my own. My first introduction to Batman, The X-Men and Spiderman were all through visual media. The only comics I actually saw and bought until I was 20 was Archie Digests that you could pick up at the check out line.

With that, I probably bought a few trades when I was 20 and never really got back into it. Only this year did I begin to seriously build a trade collection and subscribe to comics. I dated a few guys who liked comics and suggested I read some. Watchmen was always on their list, and was something I did want to read. When the movie came out, I knew for sure I wanted to read it. Whether it was before or after I saw it, it didn't matter.

When Watchmen came out, I was working in a different city. My friends saw it without me and said they didn't like it. I ended up not seeing it theatres.

I tried borrowing the graphic novel from some friends, but it never came around. I finally borrowed it from a friend that I met in University, shortly after we started hanging out again after 5 years. I read the comic in a night. I was up until 2 AM. I bought myself my own copy a few months later.

I mentioned I wanted to see the movie, but the only person I knew with it had it on Blue Ray. I meant to rent it but it never came around to it. Only yesterday when I mentioned to that same friend I still had not seen The Watchmen while we were at the comic book store, did he bring it over for us to watch.

I didn't have any expectations for the Watchmen. I heard it was bad from friends and critics alike. I heard that Alan Moore was not impressed that anyone was making a movie on it. I heard that there were some issues with the studio and it almost wasn't released.

We watched the Director's Cut, and my god was it long. I hadn't realized it was the Director's Cut until he told us two hours into the movie when I remarked it was quite long, longer than I had imagined. Once I finished the film, I loved it. I went out and bought it the very next day. I ended up getting the theatrical release but I would like to get the Director's Cut at some point. Tonight I watched the theatrical version.

What I liked:
(Spoilers likely)

1) For the most part the film, ESPECIALLY the Director's Cut, followed the graphic novel fairly well. The ending was different, but it was an ending I didn't think was too bad. It really did emphasize some of the major themes of the graphic novel, such as the price of peace. Sure, we would have all like to have seen the octopus alien but I found using Dr.Manhattan instead to be a smart move. Since you cannot count on every person actually reading the graphic novel, a general audience would have a better time accepting Ozymandias blackmailing Dr.Manhattan. He already had screwed over his other fellow Watchmen to execute his plan to save the world, so why not the big blue man?

2) The soundtrack was amazing. I kept mentioning how much I loved the use of the songs in the film, such as Bob Dylan's "Times Are A Changing", Hendrix's "All Along The Watch Tower", Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" (my personal favourite) - I could go on!

3) The opening credit sequence. I think that an opening sequence sets the mood, narrative and the expectations for a film. If you cannot grab an audience in those first few minutes of a movie, then you've lost them. How many times has a movie started off so slow, you wonder about the quality of the film. I thought Watchmen's credits started off with a bang.The way that scene opened up, flowed and packed in so much detailed information in such a short period of time blew me away. It really set the film and explained how we got to where are when we start the experience.

4) The characters were true to their graphic novel counterparts. I found each actor and actress casted for their roles to be well suited. Billy Crudup was excellent at being the emotion-free sounding Manhattan. Jackie Haley's Rorschach had a better Batman voice than Bale. Patrick Wilson and Jeffery Dean Morgan were hands down my favourites, but they also did play my favourite characters in the graphic novel so that is a bit biased.

5) The attention to detail. Some of my favourite scenes from the graphic novel was in the movie, and done so well. One of my favourites is when Silk Spectre and Nite Owl are on Mars, and peel away each other's naked skin to reveal their costumed selves. Other well done scenes from the graphic novel: Manhattan's sanctuary on Mars, The retelling of Rorchach's past through the therapist, Ozymandias' Egyptian obsession.

6) The costumes were great. It's one thing to see super hero costumes in comics, another to see them in film. With disasters like Batman and Robin, it was great to see how these costumes turned up for this film. I also loved how Adrian's costume mocked B&R.

I could say more, but I don't want to get too repetitive here. I really liked Watchmen. But why would other people not like it? Well, I think I get it. First, hardcore purists will never like it. It's not exact. But how many movies are? Not many by my count. Even my favourite movies based on books are still not 100%, even if the screenplay is written by the author themselves (Such as The Last Unicorn for example). Some things just cannot be done through visual media as well as it can in the written or illustrated form. I get that. I really do. But for what its worth, Zack Snyder tried. He even hoped that Alan Moore would watch it and give it his approval. And if Moore is against it, then his biggest fans are going to be too, even without seeing it. And even if they did see it, I am sure they are picky enough to find the smallest problems and blow them up to justify why they didn't like the movie.

And then there's the general public, the ones that haven't read the graphic novel. Watchmen is a pretty long graphic novel, and there's a lot to it. Obviously it all cannot be condensed, and there are slow parts that are important to the film. I think a lot of people went in expecting an action film with super heroes, as they are lead to believe through the trailers. If they don't know anything about the Watchmen, then to them it is boring, and slow. And the Director's Cut is pretty friggin long. It's a lot to take in. Heck, the theatrical version clocks in at 2 hours and 45 minutes. The Director's Cut is about 24 minutes of footage. But after watching both the versions, those extra 24 minutes added into the story's depth. I was sad to see some scenes cut out, some lines missing. In the end, I think the Director's Cut is a better choice to watch if you love the story.

But yet, looking at Internet Movie Data Base, the first couple of reviews are positive. The User Rating for it is 7.8/10 with 23% of the votes at 10, and 3.6% at 1. 87% of the votes are above a vote of 5. So clearly this movie couldn't have been that hated.

Even though I have read the novel, I think I'm going to read it again. One of my friends who turned me on to it said "It's one of those books that you can read over and over again and find something else, that you missed the first time". Hell, I think it is the same with the movie. I personally watched the movie for the second time in a span of 24 hours, albeit a different version because I think I missed something, even with already knowing the ending!

This leads me back to my original reason for writing up this review. Can a comic book be a good movie? This is something rehashed over and over again, and I am sure what I am saying is nothing new. It's pretty difficult to make one it seems. Directors have to appeal to two different audiences and make it so they can both meet in the middle. Fans of comic book series are so obsessed with the attention to details while the general audience wants something they can follow without having to know any of the background before they watch the movie. Obviously this has caused a great deal of criticism from comic book enthusiasts who feel a movie should be a true form. For something that had to appeal to both those crowds without leaving anyone behind, and carefully selecting what had to be there, what had to be cut and what needed to be added, I think the Watchmen did an excellent job. So, my apologies to Alan Moore, please don't hurt me, but I thought this movie was as close to the graphic novel as you can in this media, and did a damn good job of pulling it off.

Also, that sex scene... totally blew my socks off.

The Joltess Out.