Shippers, the bane of my existance: POTO Edition.

I don't know why, but shippers drive me up the wall. I dislike them with every core of my body. I hate that audiences of a book, musical, tv show, movie, cartoon, comic book, etc try to force two characters together because they feel that they belong, even when the actual writers of said characters chooses not to put them together. The only thing I hate more than shippers are Mary Sues.



I first ran into shippers when I frequented the X-Files chat room of Yahoo. I have never been on board with Mulder and Scully being involved in a relationship, because I don't agree with the formula that a woman and man who work together/hang out with each other/do something together automatically will be involved together. Unfortunately this is how a lot of shows/movies/etc seem to run. The characters are not together at first, but their relationship evolves from friendship to lovers. This doesn't always work in real life and it drives me bonkers. The majority of shippers are women, and I don't know if it says something about the female gender or what. I get the notion that a lot of women are like Marge Simpson; they feel that everything and everyone should be paired together. I know that there are always going to be exceptions to the rule (myself for example). Do women just want romance? Happy Endings? Am I just alone, when I enjoy a movie where the main guy and the main gal go their separate ways, or one dies, or they love someone else?

Today I would like to bitch about shippers in a novel-turned-multiple-franchise that I hold dear to my heart: The Phantom of the Opera.

I have been a 'phan' for quite some time. My parents had gone to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical in the early 90s in Toronto, where it was a permanent fixture of Canadian Broadway for over 20 years. My mom brought back the soundtrack and played it constantly, inspiring me to find out more about the production.

Lucky for me, our library had a copy of the novel and I took it out in grade 4. It wasn't really the easiest novel for me to get through with my preconceived notions of what should happen based on my knowledge of the musical. My favourite thing about this book though, was the wonderful artwork of Greg Hildebrandt. I actually found the book at an online used book store and bought it for sheer nostalgia (and pretty pictures!).

I finally saw the stage production in 1997, during one of its final years. Shortly, the musical left Toronto, although occasionally it comes back for a month performance. When the 2004 movie came out, I was ecstatic because it meant I could watch it whenever I wanted, provided it was a word for word reproduction of the musical. For the most part, it is. I did have a little problem with some of the casting though.

Gerard Butler is too hot to be the Phantom.

Way too hot.

It was like casting had no concept of the story. The Phantom was hideously ugly. So ugly his mother never kissed him or looked upon his face. So ugly that it haunted Christine. Nobody loved the Phantom because he was a distorted gargoyle and that is why he had to live away from society's gaze.

Every actor who had played The Phantom in the musical had 4 hours worth of make done.



Look at Butler here. Loathsome gargoyle indeed... He looks like he had some minor burns, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with some of that Parisian stage make up they would have used in the operas!



The problem with making the Phantom hot is that it gives the character too much sympathy. There will always be sympathy for the Phantom. He had a shitty life and he just wanted to love and be loved. However, the Phantom also was a complete jerk. He took away Christine's freedom and held her prisoner, wanted to force her into marriage, murdered several people in both the novel and musical and used terror to control the staff at the Opera House. He was a selfish man up until the end. Only when Christine showed him pity and compassion, did he change his mind and give her back her freedom, his one unselfish act.

But, many female fans of the movie and the musical felt that Christine should have stayed with the Phantom. Oodles of speculation, fan fiction, fan art and even novels have tried to come to this conclusion. They felt that Christine truly loved the Phantom but clearly they were never paying attention to what was in front of them. It is absolutely illogical. Christine never once proclaimed her love for the Phantom. She appreciated his voice, his ability to write operas and to teach her, but never once did she feel torn in a love triangle. She always wanted to be with Raoul and it was the Phantom that forced her into choosing, only because he threatened to kill him in the musical (in the book, he was going to blow up the entire opera house).

Yet, Phantom of Manhattan, Susan Kay's Phantom and Andrew Lloyd Webber's Love Never Dies, a sequel to POTO go against this logical and insist that not only did Christine love the Phantom, but she had sex with him and had his love child.

Wait, what?

Damn you shippers! Clearly you have convinced enough people that there is a market for your insipid Christine-Phantom fantasy! You deny the logic presented before you!

In order to make C and P work, you have to make Raoul a jerk. So what do they do? They turn the brave hero who was willing to sacrifice his life so that Christine wouldn't be stuck marrying the Phantom and living in the bowels of the Opera House into a gambling drunk. A gambling drunk that Christine had to have cheated on to have her 10 year old son. In Kay's novel, Christine gives birth to a premature child who is actually full term, so Raoul realizes that the child is not his. In Love Never Dies, Christine goes and has sex with the Phantom the night before her wedding. Because this totally fits the character of Christine. Christine, who pledged her love to Raoul, who was willing to give up her freedom to save his life, who wanted him to steal her away so she wouldn't be captive of the Phantom any longer, who was frightened of the Phantom's soulless face, went out of her way to have sex with the Phantom before getting married to Raoul.

/brain explode.


Anyways.

My best friend is a shipper, and I tolerate it. But ugh, it drives me up the wall! I apologize to any other readers if you are shippers, but I have to ask: Why doesn't the audience just accept the writer's choices (I'm looking at you, Zutara shippers!)?

For BoredLizzie: I'm Sorry

Mea Culpa Liz!

Hello My Children. Den Mother Colleen here on a lovely Mother's Day Morning. Well for the past week I've been mad busy so I had little time to address a comment that one of my fave gals of TR posted on my "I'm not that Shallow" article. Boredlizzie said she was a bit disappointed that I didn't give descriptions of the females of whom I posted pictures. She had a valid point. The truth was that I was a) emphasizing my shallowness when it comes to the ladies I like and b) I was also really tired when I was finishing the article and just didn't feel like looking up quotes for them.

For You Boredlizzie: Fully clothed images, Character descriptions and quotes of my fave hot babes! And Sorry!

Amanda Tapping of Stargate SG-1, Atlantis, and Sanctuary. In all three shows she plays a brilliant scientist and a total badass. I guess that's her 'thing'. From the first moment she appeared I knew I would adore her for all eternity. And this was before I even realized I liked women in that way. She also can totally snark with the best of them. So here goes the quotes from 3 series:

1) And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside and not the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle. (Children of the Gods, the first ep of Stargate SG-1)

2) Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I will eat this headdress.

3) For the record, I hate you. (To Rodney McKay)

4) Were you this annoying when you ascended? (To Daniel Jackson)

5) Col. Caldwell: Colonel.

Col. Ellis: Colonel.

[They turn to Carter]

Col. Caldwell: Colonel.

Col. Carter: Colonels.

[They turn to Sheppard]

Col. Ellis: Colonel.

Lt. Col. Sheppard: Colonels.

Dr. McKay: [grimacing] Seriously?

I know, that wasn't very snarky from Carter, but I did love this exchange. Very whose on first.

6) Will Z: I profile criminals, not monsters. Magnus: You can't see the irony of that statement?

7) There's an expression among creature hunters, if you could teach a lion English, you still wouldn't be able to understand him.

8) I have standards, Will. Drinking coffee? Well below them.

9) Stop doting on me, it makes my teeth itch.

10) Helen Magnus: Granted, but it wasn’t their choice. They may be rich, spoiled, insolent children, But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t save them.

[Kate and Will look at each other skeptically.]

Helen Magnus: That’s a terrible sales pitch.

11) Tesla: Well, well, well, the appetizers have arrived. Magnus: Well, this is the last time I come to your rescue.

Thank you Amanda for being awesome. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pare down 3 series???

Eliza Dushku, who was totally awesome as Faith in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now she has been in other things, but Faith, in my opinion was her best role. And man she got her bitch on in it...as well as homicidal mania! Not to mention she was the opposite side of Buffy's coin. And I loved her!

1) Always...I could eat a horse. Ain't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?

2) Faith: New Watcher? Buffy & Giles: New Watcher. Faith: Screw that.

3) Wesley: (About Cordelia) My. She's cheeky, isn't she? Faith: Uh, first word: Jail. Second Word, Bait.

4) Faith: [in Buffy's body] 'Cause I could do anything I want and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous. I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you pop like warm champagne and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? [mockingly] Because it's wrong.

5) (To Buffy) You're protecting vampires now? Are you the bad slayer now? (Pause) Am I thegood slayer now?

6) Buffy: That's one of the bad guys. Faith: You should make 'em wear a sign.

7) Faith: There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. we're not supposed to exist together.

Buffy: Also, you went evil and were killing people.

Faith: Good point. Also a factor.

Buffy: But you're right. I mean like...I guess everyone's alone but, being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

Faith: And no one else can feel it... Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

Buffy: Takes the edge off.

Faith: Comforting.

So Faith in a nutshell. Hot, badass, and funny as hell.

Cote De Pablo as Officer Ziva David in NCIS. Ziva was a Mossad agent that was sent to work with Gibbs's team on NCIS after the murder of Kate in the second season. She's gorgeous, also badass, as in can kill you with a paperclip (I'm starting to see a pattern here :) ) and makes the most awesome errors in English. And she loves to mess with Tony, the "hottie" of the show.

1) Ziva: Ziva David. Mossad. Tony: You're Israeli? Ziva: Very good. The way you made that connection. Mossad, Israeli. (From the moment they MET! Snark)

2) You might want to do something about your hair...its sticking up like a porcuswine...no, that's not the word...a porcu...pig? (Tony looks at her funny) The little animal with the little spikies?!?

3) Ziva: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a Kite.

Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.

McGee: She may have had it confused with "go fly a kite."

Ziva: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes.

4) Ziva: Where did all these people come from?

Tony: Didn't you see the sign? Its a yard sale day.

Ziva: I see. And do Marines sell their yards often?

5) Ziva: I don't need a babysitter, Tony. I have been in hundreds of these situations.

Tony: Never with me. As far as I'm concerned, you're a probie.

Ziva: I've never had sex with you either -does that make me a virgin?

6) Ziva: They owed me a favor.

McGee: How many people owe you a favor?

Ziva: How many dates does Tony have in a month?

7) Not a ziva quote but does emphasize her badassness:

[Gibbs and Tony arrive to find Ziva standing over two restrained suspects and a woman with a knife in her chest]

Tony: Remind me never to piss her off.

Gibbs: Oh, DiNozzo, you have no idea.

And there's Ziva. Wouldn't ever want to be on her bad side.

Pauley Perrette as Abby Sciuto also of NCIS. She's the forensics specialist assigned to NCIS. She is a perky Goth, which should be a total oxymoron but she makes it work. She sleeps in a coffin, as a child of deaf parents can speak sign language, addicted to caffeine, dated McGee the most clean cut of the group in Season 1, and Gibbs, he who is mean to everyone, adores her like a

daughter. Oh and she bowls with nuns.

1) Abby Sciuto: What are you going to do while I test for poison in a health snack?

Tony: I'll wait.

Abby: There's a futon under the desk.

Tony: Bless you.

Abby: What are you, my priest?

Tony: Curse you?

2) Abby: (while watching film of a terrorist's van) Are we submitting to the Sundance film Festival? Tony: Yes, best terrorist film category.

Abby: Sweet.

3) Perfume is expensive Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.

4) My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush.

5) Abby: (admiring Tony's bullet ridden hat) Very cool, where can I get one of these?

6) Abby: So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens?

Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?

Tony: Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.

Abby: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.

Tony: You have a chastity belt?

Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know about Abby.

7) McGee, never forget. I am one of few people, in the world, who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence.

8) Abby: I have some good news and some bad news. Good news: I'm still cute. Bad news: The bomb squad got a little trigger-happy. [holds up bag of bomb fragments] Do you have any idea what's beyond "smithereens"?

Gibbs: Not a clue.

Abby: Neither do I.

[A moment later, Ziva catches up to annoyed Abby in elevator]

Abby: Are you going home?

Ziva: Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with... [gestures to evidence] ...that.

Abby: [scathingly] Really? Do you have a degree in forensic science?

Ziva: No, but I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.

Abby: [softening a bit] Huh. We'll see.

9) (Having tied up the dude trying to frame Tony) Now can I work alone?

And we have Abby. And she is quirky!

Karen Gillan as Amelia "Amy" Pond in Doctor Who. She's tough, smart, and straightforward. And she is also the only companion that I know of who actually attempted to seduce the Doctor. She and her hubbie, Rory are also utterly cute together.

1) The Doctor: You're Amelia!

Amy: You're late.

The Doctor: Amelia Pond, you're the little girl!

Amy: I'm Amelia and you're late.

The Doctor: What happened?

Amy: Twelve years.

The Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat!

Amy: Twelve years!

The Doctor: Cricket bat!

Amy: Twelve years and four psychiatrists!

The Doctor: Four?

Amy: I kept biting them.

The Doctor: Why?

Amy: They said you weren't real.

2) (About the space whale) It came because it couldn't stand to watch your children cry. What if you were really old, and really kind and alone? Your whole race is dead, no future. What couldn't you do then? If you were that old, that kind, and the very last of your kind...you couldn't just stand there and watch children cry.

3) Amy: Hey, look at this. I got my spaceship, I got my boys... my work here is done. [struts into the TARDIS, head held high]

Rory: [scoffs] We are not her "boys."

The Doctor: [beat] Yeah, we are.

Rory: Yeah, we are.

4) The Doctor: This is bad, I don't like this. [kicks console and yells in pain] Never use force, you just embarrass yourself. Unless you're cross, in which case... always use force !

Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?

The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.

Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?

The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross!

5) Amy: [After Rory disintegrates] Save him. You save everybody. You always do. It's what you do.

The Doctor: Not always. I'm sorry.

Amy: Then what is the point of you?

6) [Amy awakens in a confined box with a glass lid.]

Amy Pond: Let me out. Can anyone here me?! I'm alive in here! Let me out! I know you're out there. My name is Amy Pond and you better get me the hell out of here or, so help me, I'm gonna kick your backside!

[A Silurian appears on the other side of the glass lid.]

Silurian: Shhhh...

Amy Pond: Did you just shush me? Did you just shush ME?!

7) The Doctor: [talking to Amy in the TARDIS using a communicator] Now all I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Amy: Have you seen you?

The Doctor: So you're just going to be snide? No helpful hints?

Amy: Hmm, well, here's one: Bowtie - get rid!

The Doctor: Bowties... are... cool.

Amy...always awesome!

Anyway, I'm not gonna bother with Amia Moretti. She truly is pure eye candy and she's also in porn, so there is NEVER good dialog. But she's adorable and VERY enthusiastic and looks like she is one of those who genuinely enjoys her job. And that's why I so enjoy watching her, umm, enjoy herself. :P

So Liz, I hope that makes up for the discrepancy in my previous post!

SCOOTER LIVES!

Hello Peoples!


Yeah, I've missed you all too! <3


Unfortnately, this will be the last you hear from me until at least Thursday: See my roommie's bro (you may remember him as the guy who locked me out of the desktop computer where I used to work) had a brain fart and forgot to pay the Comcast bill...for several months, apparently...until the balance got to the point where they refuse to restore service until they've been paid in full. So I've gotta wait until the yutz gets paid. :(

Right now I'm at Starbuck's, and I'll continue coming here until they kick me out or I run out of money--but unfortunately my limited access means excluding my online activities to the essentials...specifically communicating with my girlfriend. <333 ^_^

But I couldn't leave you folks high and dry! So have a lovely next few days, I'll be back soon, and please enjoy my favorite shots from the recent--and very unfairly maligned Devil's Playground Anime Burlesque! 8D

These pics could be considered NSFW, so I put them after a jump...Click at your own risk! \(^_^)/

Enjoy!


Scoot The Eternal

Christmas Classics You May Have Forgot

Hey there folks

Around this time, I spend time youtubing old Christmas specials that my mom taped off the tv for me. Many times I have recounted these stories to my friends, who look at me cockeyed when I tell them my favourite Santa movie is the one where 'he is raised in a forest by wood nymphs'.

A lot of holiday specials I really enjoy were Rankin-Bass. Rankin-Bass really had it going on in my childhood. Not only did they produce The Last Unicorn, The Flight of Dragons (a often passed over fantasy flick I plan on writing about in the new year), The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings cartoon, they were heavily involved in the holidays. Not just Christmas mind you, as they also produced one of my favourite Easter cartoons too about a stuffed bunny that became the Easter Rabbit (of course, tying in with their Christmas theme, the stuffed bunny was given as a Christmas present from Santa).

Ranking-Bass made the most well known of the holiday specials. I am sure you have all seen:
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Frost the Snowman

But do you remember these?



Puppet based
The Year Without Santa Claus
One year, Santa is sick with a cold and decides to cancel Christmas because he believes that the children don't care anymore. Mrs. Claus sends two elves, Jingle and Jangle, to a southern US town where it never snows to find out why people have stopped caring about Christmas. This movie is famous for its Miser Brothers, two sons of Mother Nature. Most people were reacquainted with this movie when Mister Freeze forces his henchmen to sing the Snow Miser's song in Batman & Robin. Not exactly one of my favourite specials but it is alright.


Rudolph's Shiny New Year
After Christmas, Father Time sends for Rudolph's help to find the missing new year baby who ahs run off because everyone laughs at his unusually large ears. With a clock soldier and a camel with a clock in its hump named Quarter After Five, Rudolph travels to many different islands looking for Happy, the baby new year (oh the puns kill me). Each island belongs to a Year after he retires. My personal favourite is the island belonging to OM (short for One Million BC) who yes, lives on an island of dinosaurs and sings a delightfully happy song about "raining sunshine" which my mom always started sisnging whenever it started raining with the sun out. The movie is a little dopey but it was one of my favourites. Rudolph was always a personal hero of mine. My mom's theme for Christmas decorations for me was reindeer, specifically Rudolph. When I was in daycare (which was at a nursing home), we had to sing a little Christmas concert for the old folks. I think I was about 4 at the time, and I had terrible stage freight. When we started singing Rudolph, I burst into tears and all the daycare supervisors started pointing at me, indicating that I was "Rudolph". My mom used that reasoning to associate me with the character I guess haha. My brother loved snowmen, so he got a lot of Frosty stuff. Anyways - as I was saying, Shiny New Year was one of my favourites because it's slightly weird and not many people remember it.


The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus
A hands down favourite Santa movie of mine. It starts out with the council of Immortals, who must decide that night whether they will grant Santa Claus the mantle of Immortality. This was a big deal for them, as no mortal had ever been given immortality. The Great Ak, the master woodsman who had a hand in the raising of Santa Claus, tells of his life among the forests, raised by a woodland nymph and a lioness. The baby, Claus, is sent out to live with mortals once he becomes a young man. He is joined by a friend, a sound imp who teaches him all languages of man and beast. He becomes well known for making toys and acts of kindness. Ther eis a lot more to this movie and I do not want to give it away at all! Let's just say it was described as a very dark Christmas movie. The best part is it's a novel of the same name by L Frank Baum - the man who wrote the Oz series. This movie is hard to find because it is not on DVD. Apparently it is now, but I question the quality haha. They tried to do a cartoon remake of the story, without the songs and it was terrible.. terrible!!


The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold
I gotta say, this one is pretty bad. It's like they were trying to make a St Patrick's Day Special but decided that they had to throw Christmas in there somewhere. There is nothing Christmasy about this at all. A Banshee needs to have gold given to her before Christmas or she turns into tears. That's all there is about Christmas in this one. View at your own risk.


Nestor The Long Eared Christmas Donkey
A donkey with unusually long ears is made fun of (running theme for these movies) but finds his purpose as the donkey that carries Mary to Bethlehem. This movie used to make me cry, but it really is a tamer version of Disney's Small One (youtube that one if you want to have a misty-eyed night).



Oh hell, Here's Small One too


Frosty and Rudolph's Christmas in July
I haven't seen this one for awhile, but Frosty and Rudolph help a cowgirl (yeah...) have a Christmas circus/rodeo thing in July. You need to have seen Frosty's Winter Wonderland for the story of his wife in this clip.



Little Drummer Boy
A Drumemr Boy and his band of animals in another sad movie. Drummer Boy goes to the Wise Kings to heal his dying sheep. I haven't seen this one for awhile either.



Cartoons
I guess at one point they got tired of using puppets and claymation and did the animation thing. Which was fine by me!

Frosty's Winter Wonderland
The following winter, the kids miss Frosty. As soon as it is winter time again, he comes back and enjoys playing with them. But at night when the kids go home, Frosty is left alone in the snow. The kids decide to make him a wife. Jack Frost, jealous of Frosty's popualrity, tries to thrwart all their plans. Short and goofy, but Paul Frees is the king of voices as usual. Apparently this one still gets shown on ABC during the 25 days of Christmas.



The Stingiest Man in Town
My absolute favourite version of A Christmas Carol (Muppet's Christmas Carol is a close second. A remake of a live action musical done on the Alcoa Hour. This one has so many great voice actors in it (Tom Bosely, Walker Matthau) and I find the songs really catchy. It's hard to find because I guess a lot of stations don't have the rights to it. The whole thing is uploaded on Youtube and you CAN get it on DVD - it's on a Christmas Classics collection. They won't let me embed this one, so here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ykm-nZ6bIoI

Bonus!!

I don't know where this one came from, and it is strange ... I do remember the intro vividly. I don't remember what else happens in this Christmas Special because I can't get myself to part 3.
Candy Claus

SCOOTER'S FRIGHTFUL FIVE: A FEW FLICKS TO HELP YOU ENJOY HALLOWEEN AT HOME

BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!


Scoot here--Happy Halloween, Blessed Samhain, and just to cover the next few days: Happy All Saints Day, and ¡Buen Día De Los Muertos!


Yesterday I was admittedly bitter towards my friends who have the good fortune to be occupied with various social activites and general merry-making tonight. I apologize for this--just because I'm broke and antisocial doesn't mean I should be shitting on those who actually have the courage and put forth the effort to maintain social lives. So, sorry guys!


Anyway, I thought I'd do a favor for my peeps who are in the same boat as me--these are five of my personal favorite creepifying films, any one of them should help cushion the blow of having to spend All Hallow's Eve by your lonesome...

More after the jump.




Scary Scoot






Oh, FYI--these aren't ranked or anything, they're presented in no particular order.


NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD




Let's start off strong. George Romero's 1968 classic essentially defined the zombie genre for the next 40 years.

More than that, it's a wonderful example of  minimalist cinema: Romero made one of the most effective and terrifying films in history with an unknown cast, next to no money, and essentially one set--a great object lesson for those who think horror films are all about ridiculously expensive effects or over the top violence and gore.

Oh, and a nifty little piece of trivia: NOTLD has an interesting place in the history of American race relations--Duane Jones, the film's star, was the first black actor to land a leading role that was not specifically written as black. Oh, there had been dozens of black actors playing leads for years before '68, but before this film, every one of those actors was playing a character written as black. Ben, the character Jones played, could have been any race.


DRACULA (1979)



Above is one of the most terrifying scenes from one of the most underappreciated visions of Bram Stoker's iconic bloodsucker.

Sure, liberties were taken: Mina and Lucy's names were switched, Mina(formerly Lucy) became Van Helsing's daughter, the time period seems to have been advanced a couple of decades(Harker has a car), and to be honest--the film features probably the worst portrayal of Renfield imaginable(that is, prior to Peter MacNichol in Dracula: Dead And Loving It)

But it makes up for these deficiencies with lush cinematography, wonderful settings, and fantastic performances from the likes of Donald Pleasance, Sir Laurence Olivier, and Frank Langella as the Count.

The scene above still scares me as much today as it did more than 20 years ago, and features probably the most terrifying use of the Dutch language in film history.


THE EVIL DEAD TRILOGY










I know, that's three movies--but I couldn't bring myself to pick just one.

Evil Dead, like Romero's aforementioned masterpiece, is another minimalist classic--though admittedly a much more violent and bloody one.

And it introduced the world to the phenomenon that is Bruce Motherfucking Campbell!


Evil Dead 2 is a remarkable work of black comedy as well as horror. It also cemented Mr. Campbell as the most awesome person who ever lived(watch the clip--conclusive proof that the only person tough enough to kick Bruce Campbell's ass is Bruce Campbell!)

And Army of Darkness--definitely the most popular of the trilogy, plays like the coolest D&D campaign you could ever be in, and has more quotable moments than any other film not made by Quentin Tarantino or Monty Python.


DRACULA'S DAUGHTER



Milking a popular franchise for every dime it can make is by no means a recent development--Universal whored out Dracula in every way imaginable, producing a number of lackluster sequels often featuring other monsters from the Universal stable.

Dracula's Daughter, however, was different--it was actually really damn good. Not only is it the only sequel based on another Bram Stoker work(this time a short story), it also brought back THE Van Helsing: Edward Van Sloan.

It was also one of the most sympathetic vampire stories of the day--nowadays melodramatic tales of bloodsuckers with hearts of gold are ubiquitous, but in the early days of horror cinema the concept of a vampire that was anything but a villain was practically unheard of. And Gloria Holden's portrayal of the undead protagonist manages to exude a powerful menace while still being basically good, a difficult feat(plus, look at her--she's utterly glorious!).


MANIAC



And we finish with what might be called the "odd man out". There's no zombies, demons, or vampires in this one--and yet it remains one of the creepiest films I've ever seen.

Considered by many to be the world's first slasher film(released in 1934), Dwayne Esper's Maniac is hallucinatory, hard to follow, and weirder than tits on a Bishop(the clip above is a good example of what to expect from the film as a whole).

It uses mental illness as its particular boogeyman, and it handles the subject with all the sensitivity and understanding that Hollywood in the thirties gave Asian and American Indian cultures.

It's pure exploitation and utterly absurd--I LOVE IT!



So--if, like me, you lack the means to celebrate this most awesome of holidays with the grandeur it deserves, at least dig up one of these flicks.

Satan will appreciate the effort! ;)

Aw... I'm a jerk

Hey guys

I feel like a jerk because I have been a little neglectful as part of the Super Friends. I'm sure you are all forgiving with how things catch up to you but just like Zortt, I feel like some explanation is deserved!

- I am a MMORPG jerkface. I love them because I get so bored working from home, and I don't go out much because I live in the country. I used to play FFXI, WoW and Aion but quit when all my friends stopped playing and I was tired of soloing like an idiot. My best friend asked me if I wanted to play again, and I decide to give it a whirl again. So... sadly that has been occupying most of my evenings.

- Work is being a pain in the ass. Remember how I told you guys I was collecting all those stupid e-mail addresses for a newsletter campaign? Well now I had to deal with figuring out how to mail merge them, send them out, and then go through every single friggin e-mail to find out which ones went through, which ones didn't, and why they didn't go through. My boss has been riding my ass on this one, and it's frustrating, especially when I'm not even the one sending out the newsletter. At this point it is a waiting game, but I have to make myself look busy during the day when he's around. I've pretty much only visited Topless Robot out of all the websites I used to visit daily.

- The biggest horse show of the year is almost here. We're only taking one pony but because of my mom's insane work schedule, it's up to me to make sure she gets pampered and taken care of like crazy. I've already ahd the farrier out twice to look at her feet, we shipped her two hours away and waited around while she got clipped out, and on top of everything else I do around here chore wise, she gets groomed daily, and has ointments applied to her like crazy. I'm actually supposed to be bathing her 2-3 times a week as well but the weather has been less than inviting. I will probably get on it soon. There have been other things I've been doing towards this show, and it seems like it's taking forever to get here (it's November 12th haha).

- I haven't really been inspired to write anything post wise. Lame, I know. I am thinking about doing a review of a six issue comic series but it is only at issue #4. That probably won't be happening until December, sadly.

- Lastly, HALLOWE'EN! I finally got a party invite, so I've been mucking around with my hair to figure out how exactly I am going to pull it off. Luckily my best friend is doing a trade off with me - I'll do her outrageous Pamela Anderson make up (She's going as knocked up Pam and her boyfriend is going as Kid Rock) in exchange for her to coat my head in hair spray and figure out bumper bangs and victory rolls. I do promise pictures from this, though I don't know if I will be as awesome as Captain Cold there.

So yes, I am still alive, and hopefully popping in more often. Like I said, I feel like a jerk for just kind of vanishing like that after Thanksgiving.

To make it up to you guys, here's a picture from 2004 (I think), of my friend and I going out for the Trent Anthropology Society's screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show.