Sanctuary: Pretty But Getting Weirder

Alright children, Aunt Colleen is here...post food poisoning. I'm seriously trying to figure out what God I pissed off that shit keeps hitting my body like this. I wonder if s/he is in the same Pantheon as the God of Unemployment who has never liked me. ANYWAY, Sanctuary has started up again on Syfy (I pronounce it SIH-FEE in protest of the lame name change). I'm gonna do a quick synopsis of the developments from the first two episodes of the new season. Follow me into the insanity that is the Sanctuary network.

A visual for the upcoming Season of Sanctuary...and a brief "WTF" description of what it is.

ALRIGHT! Henry gets himself some TAIL! I also learned how to edit the video-width!!!

EPISODE 1: Well, first off they changed the opening-credits theme...not sure if I like it yet. So, last we left our intrepid monster hunter-gatherers, Helen was kicked out as leader of the Sanctuary, Will inadvertently became herald to a God, an "amphibian life-form with a Napoleon Complex" took over the Sanctuary, and some random Brit decided, for no sane reason that I can see, he wanted to begin the End of Days...oh and Kali the Destroyer is actually a ginormous Spider (named Bertha by the Sanctuary) who can mess with the Magnetic field of the Earth...at least in the Oceans. And she does when Lizard-Napoleon decides to attack her. So there's a tidal wave approaching India, Pakistan and some other nation, I forgot which.

Anyway we see a whole mess of ships in various states of disarray post tidal-wave. The two ships that are least damaged are the Sanctuary Flagship (I didn't even KNOW there was more than one Sanctuary vessel out there) and the Brit's ship. Mumbai, India gets hit with the Tidal Wave, Will is barely alive and taken by Indian Head of House, and Kate tries to save people...Badness is ensuing in general. Brit wannabe "destroyer of worlds" Forsythe's mini-Kali dies so he's fucked. Lizard-Napoleon aka Dr. Beckett from Stargate Atlantis, decides that the proper response is to attack AGAIN...Helen of course flies a helicopter to protect Bertha and Bertha thinks she is being attacked and sends a gigantic EMP...knocking out all electronics, of course. Helen crashes into the ocean. She is luckily saved by the Brit. Henry is told to fix everything on the ship, but of course he's just trying to get information to send to Helen and just be a general pain in the ass. At this point the Brit has pretty much ceased being the villain and is kinda neutral cuz he's dying & Helen takes over his ship. She talks with the last member of the Order of Kali who tells her there is one last way for the true herald to talk to Kali...in the Spirit Realm. She and Will discuss how to do so without, you know, permanently killing him...although he says "I'm dying so who cares WHEN?!?" Helen is not ready to give up on him living...aww, cutesy moment over the Feed...they so need to screw. Back to the story, Will has cardiac arrest induced. Fun. He ends up in what looks like the Hall of Mt. Olympus (this might be what it is for all I know). Kali is in the middle with a black man seated at her left and an Asian man to her right...so we're going to assume they're Gods/really powerful abnormals too...and a bunch of robed & cloaked assistants. Meanwhile, Indian and Kate are seriously attempting to revive him since its past the point of no-return. He entreats Kali, telling her DUDE I WASN'T THE ONE WHO ATTACKED YOU! and asks her to stop the fucking tidal wave from hitting Pakistan and random country whose name I forgot. As, she says, he is very special for being able to even get to Mt. Olympus, she'll do so. She does something weird and stops the tidal wave from hitting random country.

But Napoleon-Beckett is still bent on destroying Bertha. Helen positions the ship between Bertha and Napoleon-Beckett. Forsythe tells her and his crew to get the fuck out and he'll stay on the ship and protect Bertha. Apparently, he wanted to create the island chain to start his own "sanctuary" for abnormals. "The Island of Dr. Moreau, done correctly." So he ends up kinda like a hero...and he's cute so now I'm sad he's dead. Napoleon doesn't actually WANT to kill Helen so he keeps trying to call her to tell her to MOVE THE FUCKING SHIP. My favorite line of the episode (from Forsythe) ensues "Oh SHUT UP!" And then "if this is an amphibian lifeform with a Napoleon-complex please bugger-off, anyone else leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible." BEEEEEEP! Napoleon tells the Captain of the ship to fire. At this point said Captain has had it with this asshole and "respectfully declines." So he gets some random dude to fire or whatever. Kali is knocked out. And this is bad cuz the tidal wave hasn't been stopped yet. But the other "Gods" stop it at Will's behest. They send Will back to life...and we have a close-up of one hand tightening around his wrist by an assistant...this will be important for the next episode so REMEMBER! The effects of the mini-Kali is wiped and he is ok. Alls well that ends well, more or less. Except that Will's memory of Mt. Olympus is wiped and no one has a clue what stopped the last tidal wave.

EPISODE 2: Will is suffering symptoms of PTSD. We start out with the team trying to capture an abnormal, because Will fell asleep and is all distracted the head of the British House (who is inexplicably still at the Canadian House) is injured during capture. Helen's response "This could have been completely avoided." Anyway, everyone is really concerned about Will's lack of improvement from his time being dead and all. Oh and Henry & Big Guy keep smelling something off at the Sanctuary. Also, the Sanctuary network has reinstated Helen as Head of the Network and Napoleon has lost his Head of the New York House status for his endangering so many people. Bertha is calm and contained apparently. Worried about insanity from sleep-deprivation, Will is given hard-core sleep aids and has flashbacks to his time in Mt. Olympus. And then it cuts to him seeing the stark-white abnormals...who, upon his awakening, disappear. Will tells Helen. They do a battery of tests and nothing is showing up to support WTF is going on. FUCK HER WILL! BEND HER OVER HER DESK & FUCK HER HARD DAMMIT! So she puts him under observation...with Big Guy giving him an I.V of an even harder-core sleeping drug called "Twilight." Before he passes out, they have a small discussion about the movies...and I would like to punch the writers in the nose for not simply stating "they suck" and actually have Big Guy saying that he liked Marcus. FUCK YOU WRITERS! NO ONE in the show should have even deemed to watch the movies...unless they are fans of Rifftrax, then ok.

Anyway, again Big Guy senses something foul afoot...and is attacked by the white abnormals. They knock him out and then place some weird probe doo-hickey on the back of Will's head. Helen sees the attack on the security camera before the abnormals manage to cut it out. She and Team Sanctuary runs to his rescue. The abnormals summarily disappear with nothing on the sensors to tell them where they are. But Big Guy & Henry figure out that the abnormals are secreting a scent to keep Big Guy & Henry's supersensitive nose from detecting them properly...and Henry creates a device to track them. Will is used as bait and the abnormals are captured and incapacitated. The weird-ass device is also captured. Henry & Kate are mulling over it. The two abnormals wake up...and IMMOLATE THEMSELVES! Now that's a buddhist-monk level devotion to duty. Henry figures out, after much frustration and Kate dropping it, that the device is a probe. Helen finds two injection points at the back of Will's head, above the hippocampus where memory is stored. They surmise that this is to extract the memory of Will's time at Mt. Olympus and then overload the memory so he loses it. Henry dials down its power level and they use it to access the Mt. Olympus memory.

We go back to the scene at Mt Olympus after Kali is knocked out. Will talks to the two other Gods. Black Dude says if Kali dies there will be SERIOUS BADNESS! Asian Dude says that Will obviously has pure intent since he was willing to DIE to save the world. Black Dude decides that the loss of life that would occur from the tidal wave would serve no purpose. Will is sent back to life...but this time after the wrist-tightening that I mentioned we see Helen's DADDY! He tells Will to remember an image that he leaves on Will's arm -26 -some symbol that looks like a lower-case m -34. Will relays this information. Helen figures out her dad's message. Its her 26th birthday present -some weird paperweight and her 34th birthday present -a manuscript by Michaelangelo. She flips through the pages, telling the rest that her dad believed Michaelangelo discovered the power of crystals, and finds the page with the M. She puts the paperweight over the m and a miniature city surrounds them...its not a hologram, they can touch the stuff. Helen, rather unnecessarily in my opinion, tells the others they have to find this city if it does exist.

Ok. So there's the first two episodes in a nutshell. Next week Helen, Kate, & Will are at a bank where Helen, for an inexplicable reason, left an abnormal egg in a safety-deposit box... It has hatched early, escaped, & is apparently a parasitic species...so one of the patrons of the bank is a host. Now, they have to quarantine the bank. So Kate fakes a hold-up. ALRIGHT! Kate gets to show off her criminal skills...awesome.

And because I'm a loving Blogger here's Amanda Tapping garbed in the American Flag...and not much else...

Aliens vs. Nuclear Weapons

Alien 1: "Earthlings have split the atom."

Alien 2: "FUCK!"

Alien 3: "I guess we should do something..."

Colleen's WTF moment of Sept. 27, 2010. I was catching up with world news and I came across this article. This was on Reuters...not Cracked.com or the Onion.

http://www.reuters.com/article/idUS166901+15-Sep-2010+PRN20100915?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a49:g43:r1:c0.293649:b37529668:z0

The title to this article:

U.S Nuclear Weapons have been compromised by Unidentified Aerial Objects...

Allow me to reiterate that in a Rob Bricken Fashion.

U.S Nuclear Weapons have been compromised by Unidentified Aerial Objects

U.S Nuclear Weapons have been compromised by Unidentified Aerial Objects

U.S Nuclear Weapons have been compromised by Unidentified Aerial Objects

U.S Nuclear Weapons have been compromised by Unidentified Aerial Objects

Here's the opening paragraph for this article:

WASHINGTON, Sept. 15 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- Witness testimony from more than 120 former or retired military personnel points to an ongoing and alarming intervention by unidentified aerial objects at nuclear weapons sites, as recently as 2003. In some cases, several nuclear missiles simultaneously and inexplicably malfunctioned while a disc-shaped object silently hovered nearby.

Ummm...ok...allow me to "AAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Anyway, the National Press Club are hosting a conference regarding this topic. It was scheduled for 12:30pm, so its going on NOW AS I WRITE THIS POST. I just went on their home website and sure enough on their calendar this conference is scheduled.

Here are the list of participants:

Dwynne Arneson, USAF Lt. Col. Ret., communications center officer-in-charge

Bruce Fenstermacher, former USAF nuclear missile launch officer

Charles Halt, USAF Col. Ret., former deputy base commander

Robert Hastings, researcher and author

Robert Jamison, former USAF nuclear missile targeting officer

Patrick McDonough, former USAF nuclear missile site geodetic surveyor

Jerome Nelson, former USAF nuclear missile launch officer

Robert Salas, former USAF nuclear missile launch officer

WHEN: Monday, September 27, 2010

12:30 p.m.

WHERE: National Press Club

Holeman Lounge

Event open to credentialed media and Congressional staff only

SOURCE Former U.S. Air Force Officer Robert Salas, and Researcher Robert Hastings

So...how's everyone else's day been?

Sanctuary, Part 2: Still Pretty

Hello my children. Colleen here. Its time for season 2 of Sanctuary. This will also be my first attempt at using jump breaks...lets see if it actually works...

Previously on Sanctuary...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7zPszfOFLc, 0:00-1:20 is the previously.

Ok now that we are all caught up, let's move onto Season 2. Somewhere in the Middle East, Helen and Ripper are trying to get information about Ashley's whereabouts. Much bribing and threatening takes place. They get some information.

Back at Sanctuary, Canada. Sometime over the break, Will and Clara became an "item." I was rather irked by this because I am rooting for Will to bend Helen over her desk, because she's AMANDA TAPPING. Clara is at England's Sanctuary house. Over webcam, the two lovebirds are whispering sweet nothings. Goddess bless Tesla for interrupting this sickening display. Also during the break, Vamp Tesla actually created a cure for the crazy-to-death virus. And I was not aware Tesla was a pathologist. Huh. And he pretty much has been wiping out Helen's wine cellar. Big Guy, in accordance with his people's traditions, is refusing to take the antidote. Fuck.

Anyway, team Sanctuary learns that the Cabal is kidnapping a group of former experimentees who have had their DNA scrubbed. Although I don't in anyway understand how this works, this allows the group to take on all of the traits that one can get from the vampire blood. They have also been chemically brain washed, like poor Ashley. She has been injected with chemicals and Vamp blood to make her the ULTIMATE WEAPON! Team Cabal's plan is to take out the Sanctuary network...which spans the entire globe.

Team Sanctuary has managed to rescue one of the former subjects. They also captured the mercenary/thief hired by the Cabal to gather one of the subjects. Her name is Kate Freelander, played by Agam Darshi. She's Indian-Canadian. She will be part of Season 2. So...

She's Pretty and tied up. At this point, she's a self-serving bitch but she gets better.

Anyway, with her help and with Wolfie Henry's computer skills they find out the PLOT to take out the Sanctuary network. Despite knowing Ashley is no longer her Ashley, Helen still asks Tesla to make a device that will disable the vamps but not kill them. Tesla is dubious.

England Sanctuary: 3/5 and Will arrive to plan how to protect the Sanctuaries from Team Cabal. Clara and Will get naked. A little while later Team Cabal attacks. Several resident abnormals and a captured abnormal that Will names "operation Exxon Valdez" and 3/5 prepare to defend themselves. They do so, it does not end well because Team Vamp led by Ashley 2.0. Tesla's device only briefly disables Team Vamp. Helen tries to reach Ashley. It doesn't work. Clara ends up getting killed. I'm not sad over this because she was annoying. But Will is sad, so Tear!

Canada Sanctuary: This is Sanctuary Uno, Helen's base of operations, so they know that this will be the most important hit. Helen gives Tesla a vial of Ashley's blood and tells him to build a device set to kill. She then tells Big Guy to stop being an idiot and take the antidote. Team Vamp attacks. By the way, the Sanctuary has an EMP field around it to prevent teleporters. It gets disabled and then re-enabled. . This is important. Oh and Big Guy did take the antidote and joined in the fight. Henry yells at him to never put him through that again. Tesla vamps and fights, while Helen uses new killing device. Eventually, Ashley corners Helen. Helen again tries to reach her. Another Vamp comes in. She attacks Helen. Ashley stops her. She looks at Helen and says "Mom." Looking very upset she teleports holding onto the other vamp. And is scattered into atoms. Fuck. Goodbye Ashley, it was nice knowing you.

Jack the Ripper and Nicholas Tesla proceed to track down the Cabal and destroy them utterly. Jack is unhappy about what happened to Ashley...so they're very affective. Thus, we don't actually hear from the Cabal this season. The rest of the season is like the first season. Finding abnormals. Kate joins Team Sanctuary and develops a conscience. Michael Shanks guest stars in an episode...and dies. But unlike Daniel Jackson, this character stays dead. Will & Helen get stranded in the middle of the ocean, with two abnormals duking it out around them. They discuss personal things and are just adorable. FUCK ALREADY DAMMIT!!!!

Tesla gets devamped by his own creation. :( But he gets a new Magneto-like power. :) Personally I think they should have kept him a Vampire. Much cooler. Moving along.

And Jack the Ripper has a new development. Apparently, in the 1880's, during mid-teleportation, he gets an energy-creature that is quite murderous attached to him. Sometime in season 2, Jack was back to being murderous, but then was electrocuted...This sent the creature out of him and into the Sanctuary network. Again, it's a murderous bastard of a creature and proceeds to use the Sanctuary systems to fuck with everyone. To save everyone, Jack makes the creature go back into him. He leaves, but not before telling Helen that he still loves her. Oh Shut Up, Jack. Leave Helen alone to be shagged senseless by Will.

The big ordeal involves an abnormal called "Big Bertha." This abnormal has the ability to alter the physical world. Like make Islands and cause Tsunamis and stuff. She was put to sleep by Helen, who told the rest of the Sanctuary that Big Bertha was dead. This will bite everyone in the ass in season finale.

So in the season finale, some Indian dude is running from Brits. He vomits up a spider and hides it in a shrine to Kali. Then gets shot by the British guy who wants the spider. Also, around the world, loads of Abnormals who are sensitive to the magnetic forces of the Earth go ape-shit. This is because Big Bertha is now awake.

Learning about the guy who vomitted up the Spider (that part they were unaware of) who died, Will Z & Kate are sent to the Indian Sanctuary House. While at the crime scene, Will does his Sherlock Holmes thing and notices that the shrine has been manipulated. He opens it up and grabs a weird statue...Later that night, while Will is asleep, the spider crawls from the Statue and into Will's mouth. A lot of exposition later, the Spider is attached to a secret order devoted to Kali the Destroyer. Will becomes the new messenger to Kali...who is actually big Bertha. She's a huge Spider in reality...but when contacted by her messenger she is a hottie...check it out. I will refer to the big spider as Bertha and the human guise as Kali forthwith.


Bertha Kali Naked Kali
I can see why Kali chose the second form to contact her messengers...she's pretty...VERY.
Anyway, bad British dude finds out who has the spider, kidnaps Will and uses some EMP thingy to get the spider. The problem is once the spider is inside you, to lose it will kill ya. Poor Will.

So anyway, Will gets sick but still can contact Kali. The last remaining members of the Kali sect explain WTF is happening to Will. Helen is very concerned about her Boy being ill. And angsting over not screwing him while she had the chance, I'm sure. Best Hallucination: Naked time with Kali. She tells Will if he can't find her to do a dance...no, really.

So British Guy has also captured the Order. The old lady tells him that he cannot force a connection to Kali. British guy tells her he's studied how to connect for years. He also refers to Kali as Bertha so he really doesn't get the spiritual aspects. So, through the spider, he tells Bertha to make an Island Chain, so that the prophecy of "the End of Days" may occur. Why he wants to do this is unspecified.

Bertha starts making land. Meanwhile, the Sanctuary network is rather pissed off at Helen for NOT telling them that Bertha was still alive. They sent a rather douche-baggy head of house to make sure that Helen actually kills Bertha this time.

India: Will, in a very entertainingly Feverish state, is running through the streets, calling out for Kali. Kate and Head of India House are looking for him. They are bonding over being Indian. Anyway, Will hears some traditional music and remembers the dance to contact Kali. He starts to dance. In his hallucination, he gets a whole mess of back-up dancers. The dance cuts back between the hallucination of a group dance and the reality of Will dancing by himself.

Meanwhile, Helen and Henry, with a device to knock-out Bertha, are in a helicopter and douche-bag, on a ship, all are seeking out Bertha. They find her and the ship that has British bad guy on it.

Cut scenes between Team Sanctuary, British guy focusing on Bertha, and Will dancing.

Kali is pleased with the dance. British dude starts losing his connection to Bertha. Kate and other Indian appears on the scene. Will tells her to stop making the Islands because the displacement of Ocean will kill millions. Kali is rather unperturbed by this. Helen orders Henry to shoot the EMP device at British guy. This knocks him out. Bertha is quiet. Helen thinks that's the end of it. Douche bag orders the ship to use depth charges to take Bertha out. Too bad because until then it looked like Will was reaching Kali.

However, Bertha is only injured. Will is alarmed when Kali bends over in pain. Kali's eyes go all black and she cries "You betrayed me!" Will drops to the ground, looking like he has a seizure. Kate and Indian are quite alarmed.

Helen returns to the ship, really, really pissed. Douche-bag tells her that due to her betrayal and once again failing to kill Bertha, he is now in charge. And, Helen is now to be placed in custody for charges pending. Helen is shocked. She tells him he doesn't know what he's doing. He says he did what was necessary to save lives. A klaxon sounds. Helen: "NO, Terence, this is what you have DONE!

British guy by now has woke up and goes outside. We hear inhuman screams. "Oh, she's mad."
Only the British could understate something of this magnitude.

Bertha is on one of the Islands, screaming. Some kind of charge flows out of her, causing a tidal wave. A REALLY FUCKING BIG ONE. We pan out to a bird's eye view of a mess of land masses...that will all be hit by the tidal wave. She's not called Kali the Destroyer for nothing.

To Be Continued...

As a bonus, here's the last ten minutes of the season finale. Yes, Stargate: Atlantis fans, that's Dr. Beckett.

End Season 2. Maybe Helen and Will screw in Season 3. Though I doubt it.

Sanctuary Part One: It's Pretty

Disclaimer: I am very sorry for the length of the post. I haven't figured out how to put the bulk of the article into a link. Well my first, albeit LONG post is on Sanctuary Season 1.

Hello Children! Welcome to the Sanctuary. What's that you ask? Well its this:

Pretty Huh? The sanctuary's purpose is to study, capture, protect, and yes sometimes kill the various species that fall under the category of Abnormals. Members of Sanctuary must also fight the assholes who wish to destroy or control the abnormal population.

Now onto cast of characters:

<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->This is Helen Magnus. She's played by Amanda Tapping of the Stargate Franchise. She's the leader of the entire Sanctuary network. She was born in the 19th century. For reasons that remain vague, she and four associates, who shall be referred to forthwith as the Five, injected themselves with vampire blood. As a result, she is more or less immortal. Lucky Her. And LUCKY US!

And onto our next lovely lady: Ashley Magnus. Helen's daughter, played by Emilie Ullerup. She's hot and kicks ass. Literally.

Ashley was kept in cryogenic freeze for about a century before Helen decided she should be born. This mostly has to do with her father. Jack the Ripper. More on him later. Her job is to Bag and Tag abnormals. Things don’t end well for her.

Next on the hit parade is Will Zimmerman, played by Robin Dunne. He’s pretty too.

Pardon me as I go into a lust induced fugue state…….….Ok, I’m back. Will Zimmerman is a forensic Psychologist. He has a Sherlock Holmes (who is also in the series, more on that later) ability of seeing tiny details. And he is very pretty. Particularly with no shirt on…

Then there’s one of the abnormals called Big Guy. His species has yet to be specified on the series. Probably big foot. Big Guy is played by Christopher Heyerdahl, of Stargate: Atlantis. He played Todd the Wraith, the only one named by John Sheppard who survives. Anyway, Here’s Big Guy:

Big Guy is the strong and silent type. He has been banished by his people for reasons yet unknown. He is really strong. He might be pretty by his people's standards. And he makes tea.

And last of the main cast is Henry, played by Ryan Robbins. He is the Sanctuary’s IT dept. The entire IT department. He’s also a werewolf.

Werewolf Henry Normal Henry
He is bloody smart. There's no technology he can't figure out. And did I mention he's a werewolf? He takes drugs to keep that part of himself at bay. He's kinda pretty but not my type.

<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--> <!--[if !vml]-->

These are the good guys. And most of them are pretty.

Well in season 1, they spend most of their time seeking out abnormals. This included the Yeti, weird cloaking creatures called Nubbins who cause lust, the three sisters of various Celtic legends, and murderous parasites. The big plot point was dealing with the Cabal: an organization that wants to control all abnormals. They suck.

And dealing with Jack the Ripper. His actual name is John Druitt. He is also played by Christopher Heyerdahl. He is one of the five. He can teleport. He is decidedly not pretty, at least bald. And he’s a murderer.

He’s also Helen’s former fiancé. Bad luck for her, huh? Sometime after injecting the vampire blood, John Druitt went from a kind hearted scientist to…well, Jack the Ripper. We learn why in Season 2. He also has an elongated life span, though not like Helen. Electrocution can control his blood lust…temporarily.

There’s also Nikola Tesla, one of the five, played by Jonathon Young. The injection of vampire blood activated recessive vampire DNA. So he’s a vampire. But he’s still NIKOLA TESLA.

Vampire Tesla Normal Tesla
He can focus electricity through his body in really cool ways. And he has all the strength and speed of a vampire. But these vampires can go in the sun, stakes don’t kill them, and garlic just gives them bad breath. I like Tesla even if he's plain. He’s funny. He’s also a complete self-serving dick.

The next of the five is James Watson. He told Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to make James Watson the assistant. However, he’s actually Sherlock Holmes. He’s played by Peter Wingfield, better known as METHOS!!!! of Highlander: the Series.

He was smart. Vampire blood made him smarter.
He jury-rigged a device that allowed him to survive for 150 years. He’s not immortal. Too bad, he’s pretty.

The last of the five was the Invisible Man. His name was Nigel Griffin. I don't know if he's pretty. He’s never actually seen in the series because he’s dead. However, he has a granddaughter, Clara Griffin. I’ll get to her in a moment.

Anyway, as mentioned earlier, the big bad of season 1 is the Cabal. They have existed for a thousand or so years. Unlike the Sanctuary, the Cabal believes that all abnormals, ALL, should be under their control. Either you are with the Cabal…or you’re dead. Here’s their leader, Dana Whitcomb, played by Lynda Boyd.

She's the Director of Operations and Logistics. I guess she's pretty. I don’t know who HER superiors are, but she is the most senior officer of the Cabal that is shown in the series. She is a cool and commanding presence. She’s also completely believes in the Cabal’s mission. So SHE is the big bad.

Anyway, the climax of the whole ordeal was a rather nasty virus. It was dropped all missile like somewhere in the Yukon. This little virus caused all abnormals in the vicinity to go murderously insane…then die. The Sanctuary got miffed at this. Particularly so because Big Guy is infected with the virus.

They came to realize their best hope for defeating the virus was the untampered vampire blood. That was hidden by Helen’s dad a century ago in the last Vampiric stronghold.

Fuck, I’m gonna have to explain the vampires, aren’t I? Okie-dokie, all the great civilizations of the ancient world were in fact led by the vampires. The Csaesers, the pharaohs, the Phoenicians, etc, they were vampires. Well the mortals got tired of being controlled by these superior beings and fought back…And won. But this caused the Dark Ages. Whoops. The last remaining vampires were somehow sterilized. But the five found untampered vampire blood. As mentioned, they injected themselves with it. Again, their reasoning is a bit foggy. Helen’s Dad, who was the founding father of the Sanctuary, was a bit miffed and decided to hide the rest of it.

And back to the story. In order to collect the remaining vampiric blood, all of the five are necessary. Helen’s Dad made an obstacle course to collect the keys that would unlock the storage unit of the blood. He was determined that only ALL of the five together could get the blood…and NOBODY ELSE! Problem is Nigel Griffin is dead. But he bred. And his daughter bred. And the Invisible trait passed onto Clara Griffin, played by Christine Chatelain. <!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->

The Invisible Chick, she’s kinda hot. A bit whiny though.

So Sherlock Holmes, a, for the moment, sane Jack the Ripper, The Invisible Chick, Helen, and her loyal protégé Will Z. travel to the city. Mr. Tesla wasn’t answering his phone.

Meanwhile, Henry and Ashley decide to infiltrate the Cabal in order to look for an antidote to the crazy virus. They got captured. This does not bode well for team Sanctuary.

So four of the five, and Will are in the city ruins. The Cabal kinda destroyed it. Like I said, you are with the Cabal or you are dead. But they did not find the Underground labyrinth where the last of the Vampire’s knowledge was kept…along with that frelling blood.

Meanwhile, at Cabal central, Henry is being tortured to make him go all Werewolf, and Ashley is being injected with unspecified stuff. And gets snarky with Whitcomb, who gets cryptic and creepy.

Back to the underground, Mr. Tesla makes his entrance. 4/5 argues with 1/5 for a while. After much snark, they realize past issues really don't matter and they go forth with their plans. But not before this entertaining exchange occurs:

Druitt: Tell me, Nicola, if we do succeed, will you actually allow us take it away? We all know you have such wonderful designs for it, an army of newborn vampires being just the start.
Tesla: I may want to see my ancestors reborn but, that can't happen if the abnormals become a global threat to humans. None of us could withstand the chaos that that would bring. Okay? But tell me, John, are the rest of us to trust you once all is said and done? You who once put your own daughter in harm's way for just a drop of Helen's blood? Oh, yes. Having that vial all to yourself would certainly solve your health problems for a long time … wouldn't it?

Invisible Chick: What the hell was that all about?

Will Z: Well, the guy who invented radio just dissed Jack the Ripper.

And they split up to get the keys. Will Z with I.C, Jack the Ripper with Sherlock Holmes, and Vamp Tesla with Helen. They each have to pass obstacles that are specific to their abilities. Helen uses her understanding of her daddy, Tesla has to get electrocuted, Holmes has to solve a riddle, I.C has to get invisible, and Jack has to teleport. They all pass. Of course. And get the blood. Of course. Unfortunately, Sherlock’s weird ass longevity contraption craps out on him. And he dies. But first warns Will that they are missing some clue. Of course.

Casa de Cabal: Henry fights his inner werewolf and escapes. Henry then grabs Ashley. They get cornered. Daddy Ripper teleports to save the day. Everything seems to work out. Helen and Will talk for a bit on the roof of the Sanctuary when Will figures out the missing clue.

Bamph. Ashley teleports. With the blood. To Easter Island. Where Whitcomb is waiting. Fuck.

Sanctuary House: Everyone’s WTF’ing.

Helen: We're too late.

End Season One. Season 2 forthcoming. It will be pretty. Good Night and Good Luck.

THIS JUST IN: Long Standing Pizza Debate Officially OVER!

Hi folks,


Been laying low, Hoping against hope that someone...ANYONE would contribute to the Geek Fantasy Costume Top 10. (sigh) I guess I have to do everything around here. So I'll finish that sucker up in the next day or two.


In the meantime, DIG THIS:




That's a clip from last week's Supernatural, a show I enjoy but only recently have I begun to go out of my way to see it. This clip is one reason. See, Sammy and Dean have to get the rings of the Four Horsemen in order to stop Lucifer. Death's ring was last on the list and the hardest to find, necessitating a deal with a rogue Demon named Crowley, played by reason number two: Mark Sheppard, a minor deity in the Geek pantheon best known for his role as Badger in Firefly, and Romo Lampkin, Baltar's lawyer on BSG. Anyhoo, Death is surprisingly cooperative as he resents Lucifer's control and freely offers Dean his ring.


Ah, but there's more, see when our heroes tracked Death (played with appropriately eerie panache by Julian Richings) to Chicago, they arrived just before a horrible storm Death had planned to unleash that would have killed nearly 3 million people. However, as seen above Death not only gladly offered his assistance, he even called off the storm and spared Chicago and why?


BECAUSE HE LIKES THE PIZZA!


As a lifelong resident of the greater Chicagoland area, I can't help but experience a surge of civic pride. Death, one of the oldest and most powerful beings in the Universe, as old as God apparently, spared the lives of 3 million people 'cuz he loves him some deep dish:


SUCK ON THAT, NEW YORK!



Now everyone, please rise:

Things That Go Bump In The Night(or not)

Here we go! My first real topic.

This is the deal, my roommate tivos a large portion of so-called reality programming centered around the paranormal, mostly from Discovery and The History Channel. Shows like Ghost Hunters and MonsterHunters. Now I'm a confirmed skeptic, there's nothing I'm gonna see on TV that'll convince me that any of this is real, but I can't say for certainty that ghosts and the like don't exist, I've just never seen any compelling evidence to prove that they do.

I don't believe most of the witnesses and investigators on these shows are outright lying, rather, what they're doing is the very thing that's kept religion alive long after it ceased to be a viable means of understanding the universe. That is, they're jumping to conclusions. The individuals on these shows talk about phenomenon which cannot be readily explained: phantom voices or other sounds, objects moving, inexplicable feelings of fear or dread, sudden drops in temperature, and so forth. I do not claim that all of these phenomenon have perfectly reasonable, simple explanations(though no doubt some of them do), I just can't accept the leap from "I don't understand this" to "A ghost did it".

We're limited beings. There will always be more that we don't know about reality, nature, the universe, and what have you than what we do know. All we ever really learn is how much more we have to learn, and how little, in the face of infinity, we've learned so far. What I'm getting at is when an event takes place that has been judged to be beyond the scope of human understanding, the presence or action of ghosts is merely one out of literally infinite possibilities,and there is no logical reason to accept said possibility as fact.

So, if one can't logically accept ghosts, why do these shows exist, why do millions of people believe wholeheartedly that they have seen, contacted, or in some way interacted with spirits of the dead? Well, as usual, where logic fails, emotion is there to pick up the slack. Most people believe in ghosts for very much the same reasons they believe in God. They want a universe that makes sense to them. A universe without looming unknowns. Better to live in a world where Uncle Frank's pissed-off ghost is making all the racket in the attic and "sinful" acts might get you sent to burn in a lake of fire until the end of time, than a world where who-knows-what is making all that noise and it's-anyone's-guess what happens to you after you die. As they say, better the Devil you know.

As for the investigators, the men and women of "science" who make a career out of studying the paranormal, well, the dabblers are one thing--they can afford to be skeptical, but the dedicated, hard-core researchers believe, they have to...even if it violates every other rational principle they hold. For to doubt would be essentially to admit that they have wasted their lives chasing a fantasy. So the witnesses' need for a universe they can grasp, combined with the investigators' need to believe their work is worthwhile, result in a kind of rorschach test effect where evidence is interpreted in ways favorable to a desired outcome and simple, meaningless white noise becomes the voice of a departed loved one.


Keep in mind that this is all just my opinion. I'm no expert, just a geek with a computer and too much time on my hands. Is my description of the investigators too simplistic? My comparison of belief in the paranormal with faith in God offensive? By all means, hop on board and show me the error of my ways. LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR!

(and if you agree with me completely, you rock and you know it. You're obviously smarter, cooler, and better-looking than the rest of those subnormals, and one glorious day you shall rise and inherit the Earth, doesn't that sound like fun?)